PS 1059 
.B22 F6 
1876 
Copy 1 



ed. The "Popular Edition" of Baker's Reading Club and 
r. Nos, 1, 2, 3, and 4, 50 selections in each. Price 15 cents each. 




Hintered, according to Act of Congress, in the yenr !&"»;, >>y George M. Bauer, in the Offic oi tin* 
Librarian of Congress, at Washington. 



jCtOOooa^QOooo^goQOGo^ o go gaga go ggggc*^ ;«■ 

SPENCER'S UNIVERSAL STAGE. 




$ ^ 



Collection of COMEDIES, DRAMAS, and FARCES, adapted to either Public 
or Private Performance. Containing a full description of all 
the necessary Stage Business. 



PRICE, 15 CENTS EACH. $3T No Plays exchanged. 



11. 



13. 



14. 



. iLost ru London. A Drama in 
Three Acts. G Mule, 4 Female char- 
acters. 

. Nicholas Flam. A Comedy in Two 
Acts. Uy J. B. Buckstone. 5 Male, 
3 Female characters. 

, The Welsh Girl. A Comedy in 
One Act. By Mrs. Plan. Lie. .i Male, 
2 Female characters. 

John Wopps. A Farce in One Act. 
By W. E. Suter. 4 Male, 2 Female 
characters. 

The Turkish Bath. A Farce in 
One Act. By Montague Williams 
and F. C. Burnand. G Male, 1 Fe- 
male character. 

The Two Puddifoots. A Farce 
in One Act. By J. M. Morton. 3 
Male, 3 Female characters. 

Old Honesty. A Comic Drama in 
Two Acts. By J. M. Morton. 5 
Male, 2 Female characters. 

Two Gcntiemen in a Fix. A 
Farce in One Act. By W. E. Suter. 

2 Male characters. 

Smashington Goit. A Farce in 
One Act. By T. J. Williams. 5 Male, 

3 Female characters. 

Two Heads Better thanOne. A 

Farce in One Act. By Lenox Home. 

4 Male, 1 Female character. 
John 1 >obbs. A Farce in One Act. 

By J. M. Morton.- 5 Male, 2 Female 
characters. 

The Baughter of the Regi- 
ment. A Drama in Two Acts. By 
Edward Fitzball. G Male, 2 Female 
characters. 

Aunt Charlotte's Maid. A Farce 
in One Act. By J. M. Morton. 3 
Male, 3 Female characters. 

Brother Bill and Me. A Farce in 
One Act. By W. E. Suter. 4 Male, 
3 Female characters. 

Bone on Both Sides. A Farce in 
One Act. By J. M. Morton. 3 
Male, 2 Female characters. 

T>unducketty's Picnic. A Farce 
in One Act. By T. J. Williams. 6 
Male, 3 Female characters. 

I've written to Browne. A Farce 
in One Act. By T. J. Williams. 4 
Male, 3 Female characters. 



18. 



19. 



20. 



Lending a Hand. A Farce in One 

Act. By ii. A. A'Becket. 3 Male, 

2 Female characters. 
My Precious Betsy. A Farce in 

One Act. By J. M. Morton. 4 Male, 

4 Female characters. 



My Turn Next. A Farce in One Act. 
By T. J. Williams. 4 Male, 3 Fe- 
male chavs'iters. 

21. Nine Point* of the Law. A Com- 

edy in One Act. By Tom Taylor. 
4 Male, 3 Female characters. 

22. The Phantom Breakfast. A 

Farce in One Act. By Charles Sel- 
by. 3 Male, 2 Female characters. 

23. Bandelions Bodges. A Farce in 

One Act. By T. J. Williams. 4 
Male, 2 Female characters. 

24. A Slice of t,uck. A Farce in One 

Act. £y J. M. Morton. 4 Male, 2 
Female cl>a;acters. 

25. Always Intended. A Comedy in 

One Act. By Horace Wigan. 3 
Male. 3 Female characters. 

26. A Bull in a China Shop. A Com- 

edy in Two Acts. By Charles Mat- 
thews. G Male, 4 Female characters 

27. Another Glass. A Drama in One 

Act. By Thomas Morton. G Male, ) 
3 Female characters. 

28. Bowled Out, A Farce in One Act. 

By H . T. Craven. 4 Male, 3 Female 
characters. 

29. Cousin Tom. A Commedietta in 

One Act. By George Roberts. 3 
Male, 2 Female characters. 

30. Sarah's Young Man, A Farce in 

One Act. By W. E. Suter. 3 Male, 
3 Female characters. 

31. Hit Him, He has No Friends. 

A Farce in One Act. By E, Yates 
and N. H. Harrington. 7 Male, 3 
Female characters. 

32. The Christening. A Farce in One 

Act. By J. B. Buckstone. 5 Male, 

d Female characters. 
35. A Race for a Widow. A Farce 

in One Act. By Thomas J. Wil- „ 

liams. 5 Male, 4 Female characters. /) 
3 d - Tour Life's in Banger. A Farce 
; in One Act. By J. M. Morton. 3 

Male, .'3 Female characters. 
3?. True unto Beath. A Drama in 

Two Acts. By J. Sheridan Knowles. 

G Male, 2 Female characters. 



e, .i i- emaie cnaracters. G Male, 2 Female characters. c ) 



THE FLOWER OF THE FAMILY. 



A COMEDY IN THREE ACTS. 



BY THE AUTHOR OF 

* Sylvia's Soldier/ »0:iee on a Time," "Down by the Sea," "Bread on the Waters," 
"The Last Luai," " Stand by the Flag," " The Tempter," "A Drop Too Much," " We're 
All Teetotalers," "A Little More Cider," "Thirty Minutes for Refreshments," 
" Wanted, a Male Cook," " A Sea of Troubles," " Freedom of the Press," " A 
Close Suave," "The Great Elixir," "The Man with the Demijohn," "New 
Brooms Sweep Clean," " Humors of the Strike," " My Uncle the Captain," 
"The Greatest Plague in Life," "No Cure, No Pay," "The Greciaa 
Bend " " The War of the Roses," " Lightheart's Pilgrimage," 
» The Sculptor's Triumph," " Too Late for the Train," " Snow- 
Bound," " The Peddler of Very Nice," " Bonbons," " Capu- 
letta," "An Original Idea," " Enlisted for the War, 
"Never say Die," "The Champion of her Sex," 
44 The Visions of Freedom," "The Merry Christ- 
mas of the Old Woman who lived in a 
Shoe," " The Tournament of Idylcourt, 
" A Thorn among the Roses," 
*' A Christmas Carol," 
"One Hundred 
Years Ago," 
fee. 






BOSTON : 
GEORGE M. BAKER AND COMPANY, 

41-45 Fbankles Street. 



■/p. 3 



c I a I *o Z3 






w£ 



Copyright 

By George M. Baker, 

1876. 



Electrotyped at the Boston Stereotype Foundry, 
19 Spring Lane. 



THE FLOWER OF THE FAMILY. 

A COMEDY IN THREE ACTS. 



CHARACTERS. 

Abner Howland, a Merchant. 

Oscar Lop.ing, his Ward. 

Tom IIowland, his Nephew. 

Policy Newcomb, an. Insurance Agent. 

Spicer Spofford, Clerk in an Insurance Office. 

Mrs. Gordon Rowland, a Widow. 

Alice IIowland, her Daughter. 

Lina Howland, Abner's adopted Daughter. 



COSTUMES. 
Modern and appropriate Summer Dresses. 

Abner. Light pants ; white vest ; shoes ; white stockings ; 

Panama hat; long, wiiite hair; dark coat, thin. 
Oscar. First dress : Dark pants, tucked into long boots ; blue 

flannel shirt, sleeves rolled up; red handkerchief tied about 

his head. Second dress : Light suit, with straw hat, blue 

ribbon. 
Policy Nf.wcomb. Light pants; white vest, very long thin 

gray coat; broad-brimmed straw hat; bald wig, with red 

curly hair, and "dabs" of side-whiskers. 
Spicer Spofford. Very fashionable suit; light curly wig; 

light mustache ; eye-glass and cane. 



4 THE FLOWER OF THE FAMILY. 

Mrs. Gordon Holland. Black bombazine dress ; white 

widow's cap ; neat gray hair. 
Alice. ) Act 1 : Pretty muslin morning dresses. Acts 2 and 3 : 
Lina. ) Afternoon dresses, to suit taste. 

This play is modelled after the now fashionable "Society" 
plays, where taste in setting the stage, and in the selection of 
apparel for both male and female characters, is indispensably 
necessary to success. No extravagant characters — with the 
exception of " Spofford," something of the " Dundreary " style, 
and Newcomb, of the "Col. Sellers'' type — are introduced; 
the author's design being to present an every-day story, with a 
home setting, in which people we meet arc the actors. 

207 Springfield Street, 

Boston, July 25, 187G. 



THE FLOWER OF THE FAMILY. 



Act I. — Scene : Handsome apartment in Abner 
Howland's house. Doors opening to garden, c. in 
flat. Window l. in flat, with lace curtain. Easy- 
chair at window. Mantel with clock ; vases and or- 
naments it. Under mantel, work-basket, with chair 
beside it. Door l. l. c. opposite door, table with 
damask cover, writing materials on it. Mrs. How- 
land in chair l. of table, sewing. Abner How- 
land seated r. of table, with newspaper. 

Abner. Now I'm not going into a passion. I don't 
blame yon, sister, but I say, emphatically and decidedly, 
this absurd flirtation must be stopped. 

Mrs. H. But, Abner — 

Abner. Don't but against my decision. I can't, 
shan't, and won't allow it. This fop, this dandy, this 
Spicer Spofford, — bah! the name's enough to sicken 
one, — has gained access to my house on the pretence 
that he was a dear friend of your husband, my brother. 
Pretence, mind you, for Gordon was a plain, blunt 
man, thirty years older than this whipper-snapper. Do 
you suppose Gordon could have formed a friendship 
with this walking clothes-horse, who is no credit to 
anybody but his tailor ? 

5 



6 THE FLOWEP. OF THE FAMELY. 

JWr.?. H. Don't be unjust, Abner; you kr.o-v noth- 
ing against the man, and he can make Li i ery 
agreeable. 

Abner. So it seems; for without as much as u by 
your leave" to me, her adopted father, he makes 
love to Lina. It's absurd, ridiculous ! He's a fortune- 
hunter. 

Jlrs. H. Ah, there you are wrong, for by your de- 
sire Lina passes foi my daughter. 

Ahr^r. T ; : Alien I went abroad, ten years ago, I 
left this child of an old friend — a child whom I had 
•ted — to be brought up by you, to call you u moth- 
er " and me " uncle," for then I had made up my mind 
she should marry my ward, Oscr.r Lo;ing, on his 
return. Gordon was a poor man then, and I feared, 
were it known that she was to be the heiress of a rich 
old bachelor, some fortune-hunter would snatch her 
before my return. 

. //. I njpeete 1 this was your intention. 

Abner. I've no doubt of it. Trust a woman for 
smelling a match. Well, I came back a rear asro to 
find that Gordon had embarked in speculation, gained 
I -mail fortune, but, continuing his risks, had lost all, 
and died a poor man. 

Mr*. H. Gordon was a good, kind husband and 
father, and a Christian. 

Abner. Xo doubt of it. A good Christian, but a 
poor speculator. 

Mr*. H. He never meant to leave me penni! 
Often in the midst of his speculations he said to me, 
; - Fear not, wife ; should I fail, you are well provided 
for." 



THE FLOWER OP THE FAMILY. 7 

Abner. Humph ! the old house at Mayburn, with 
nothing to live upon ; poor provision that. Gordon 
was always too generous ; he didn't look out for him- 
self. Not like me — I'm all for self. 

Mrs. H. You, Abner? the most kind and gen- 
erous — 

Abner, No such thing. There's my ward, he will 
be a rich man. I expect him every day. With Lina 
for his wife, I shall have made comfortable provision 
for her future. No more expense on her account. But 
now, in steps this fellow, who must have found some 
clue to her expectations, and is trying to win her for 
my money. I tell you, sister, I don't like it. 

Mrs. H. Then why not tell him so, Abner? 

Abner. And raise a flame where now there's but a 
spark. No, no, I've too old a head for that. But you 
ought to know some way to stop it. Women who are 
so handy at making matches must surely have some 
reserved power with which to break them when occa- 
sion requires. 

Mrs. II. Ah, but Lina evidently favors Mr. Spof- 
ford's attentions. 'Twould never do for me to inter- 
fere. Were it my own daughter, Alice — 

Abner. Then I should have nothing to say. Alice 
is all well enough ; too much given to romping, racing, 
ridinir, and fishing — 

3Irs. II. And equally well skilled in washing, sew- 
ing, and cooking. 

Abner. O, yes; Alice is a good girl, and will make 
some poor fellow a capital wife ; but to pick out my 
Lina, the flower of the family, — one in a thousand, — • 



P THE FLOWEE OF THE FAMILY, 

graceful, beautiful, accomplished, — fit mate for a prince, 

— it's — i 

Jlrs. H. But if she loves him. 

Aimer. I won't let her ; would break Oscar s 
heart, 

Mr*. H. They have never met, 

Abmer. But my letters to him have been filled with 

praises of her. He must be half in love with her from 

:ription, an the ^ight of her will complete the 

conquest. But if he comes and finds this dandy — O, 

:;'- .' 51 .: ". lidi Eol 

Mr*. H. I wi-h I could help rmld be 

unkind for me to interfere. I am but a dependent 
he: 

Aim er. Now, stop that; stop it, I taj. You a 
dependent ! You are my unlucky brothers widow. 
You shared his poverty, and you have a right to share 
my prosperity; for had I died before him, all I have 
would have been his. Dependent — you ! Why, 
you have brightened my dull old bachelor quarters 
with a woman's cheering influence, and made me a 

-ndent upon you for comfort, peace, and happir 
I am the gainer, not you ; and you know I am all for 
don't talk of dependence. Tell me some way 
I _ rid of this intruder. C '..: 'I you manage to give 
him a hint that his company is no longer agreeable? 

Mrs. H. I suppose I could. 

Abmer. And you will, Mary, when I confess to you 
that this match has become something more than a 
?, — tJbat on it depends ray fortune. 

Jlrs. IT. Your fortune, Abner ? 



THE FLOWER OF THE FAMILY. 9 

Abner. Yes. I am terribly embarrassed. My real 
estate is heavily encumbered, and ill luck everywhere 
is following my investments. One of our steamers blew 
up at the wharf: no dividends there. A train smashed 
on our railroad : heavy damages, and no dividends for 
a long time. The White Squall is a month overdue. 
Three months ago I borrowed fifty thousand dollars 
of my shipbuilders, Silas Warner & Co., pledging the 
cargo of the White Squall for its repayment. She's 
overdue. Something's the matter with her insurance; 
and the Warners are frightened — threaten to attach 
this place. And the fat 's sizzling in the fire gener- 
ally. 

Mrs. II. And I have heard nothing of this. 

Abner. Well, you see, I've been expecting Oscar 
every day. He is of age. I hold large sums belonging 
to him, which I would not touch without his consent, 
though ruin threatened me. Were he at home, he 
would help me until the White Squall arrived. But 
now, how can I ask his help should the girl I have 
promised him be won by another ? 

Mrs. II. Abner, you should have told me of this. 
There is my old house at Mayburn, just as I left it 
"when Gordon died ; sell it, with all it contains. You 
can surely raise money by its sale. 

Abner. No, no; if my house goes with the rest, 
you must have a home, Mary. No, no ; not that. 

Mrs. II. And yet, Abner, you are all for self. If 
this is selfishness, how near it is akin to nobility. 

Abner. O, tut ! tut ! tut ! Help me to get rid of 
this man. • , - . , - 



10 THE FLOWER OF THE FAMILY. 

3Irs. H. His next visit shall be his last. I will 
promise you tli.it. 

Abner. Good ; you promise. I feel better, for 1 
know you will not f.iii me. 

Una {outside a). You are just as hateful as you 
can be, Tom Rowland. 

Abner. There's Lina, and quarrelling with Tom, as 
usual. Do you know, Mary, I had fears, when Tom 
came here, that he would fall in love with Lina; but 
they quarrel every day, and evidently detest each 
other. 

Mrs. II. I cannot imagine what has come over 
Tom, he was always so gentle in the old place. 

Abner. O, it's all right. Let them fight, if it keeps 
them from falling in love. I'm just selfish enough to 
enjoy it. 

(Enter Lis \> c, holding her apron filled with flowers. 
She comes down l.) 

Lina. I've had glorious luck, mother, foraging in 
Tom's flower-beds. Aren't they sweet ? ( Takes a hand- 
ful, and showers them on Mrs. H.'s head into her la}).) 
And isn't he just raving. He chased me with a rake ; 
but the rake's progress, unlike Hogarth's, was rather 
slow, and I escaped. Here, uncle, a rosebud for your 
coat {comes back of table to r. of Abxer). Let me 
fasten it {places rose in coat). There now, you are 
adorned for conquest. Prepare, O city maidens, to be 
captivated. Who will be this old man's darling. Pre- 
pare to be caught. 

Abner. My darling is already caught {slips his arm 
about her waist). 



THE FLOWER OF THE FAMILY. 11 

Lina. Do you think so ? Haste makes icaist {slips 
away.) free, uncle. Ha, ha ! I'll not let you spoil my 
posies. I want them for my vases {goes to mantel, 
and arranges floicers). 

Abner {to Mrs. II.). Now, isn't she just splendid. 
Ah, Mary, if your girl only had her winning sweetness, 
her beauty, her grace, what a pair they would make. 

Mrs. H. O, she's sweet, Abner. But then, like 
you, I'm a bit selfish, and my Alice just suits me. 

Abner. Lina, you're a wild thing; you want a hus- 
band to tame you. 

Lina. Do I ? Whose husband do I want ? 

Abner. Whose husband ? Well, say mine. 

Lina. I'll say what you like, uncle, but I'll have 
my own. 

Abner. Oscar Loring is my choice. 

Lina. You may have him ; but I can't imagine 
what a man is to do with a husband. 

Abner. Marry him to the girl he loves best. 

Lina. Hadn't he better marry the girl he loves 
best himself. 

Abner. Not when she is his daughter. 

Lina. Ha, ha, ha ! Uncle, I'm caught at last. 
But Oscar Loring I have never seen. You are a mer- 
chant. You don't expect to sell goods without a 
sample. 

Abner. You shall see the goods, and I know you'll 
like the pattern. 

Lina. I shouldn't like a pattern husband {stands 
back). There, look at my flowers ; aren't they lovely ? 
If I could only have secured a few geraniums before 



12 THE FLOWER OF THE FAMILY. 

Tom surprised me; he's so stingy. I watched my 
chance, and when his back was turned, went through 
the beds as Sherman marched to the sea (sings). 

Hurrah ! hurrah ! for Tom has left them free ; 
Hurrah ! hurrah ! the choicest now for me ; 
Marching over flower-beds with none to hinder me, 
Gayly assailing Botania. 

(Enter Tom c. with a rake ; stops in doorway.) 

Tom. Bo-tania! Look here, Lina, if I catch you 
among my flower-beds again, I'll tan you without 
any Bo. 

Lina. Who cares for yon, grubber. I wouldn't 
make such a fuss about a few flowers. 

Tom. Few! Hear that. My prize geraniums! 
You would have torn them from their mother earth, 
ruthlessly despoiled my beds of their beauties. 

Lina. Who is to see these beauties, if they lie abed 
forever ? 

Tom. O, you're a nuisance. 

Lina. You're another. 

Mrs. H. Children ! 

Abner. Don't interfere. Let them spat. I like it. 

Tom. I tell you, Miss Lina, private rights must be 
respected. Here I slave in the garden day after day, 
for what ? . 

Lina. Exercise, I suppose. You don't accomplish 
much. 

Tom. That's fhlse. My flowers are the admiration 
of the whole neighborhood ; they overtop everything. 

Lina. Yes, that patch of sunflowers is a towering 
monument of your skill. 



THE FLOWER OF THE FAMILY. 13 

3 Tom. Look at my dahlias. 

Lina. I try, Thomas; but your cabbages put their 
heads together to prevent my seeing them. 

Tom. You are trifling with my horticultural aspi- 
rations. 

Lina. Where do they grow ? They must be rare 
plants to have such stupendous titles. 

Tom. O, T won't talk with you (stands his rake 
against side of door next window, and goes to win- 
dow}. 

Lina (sings). " Nobody axed yon, sir, she said." 

Tom. I detest you. 

Lina. Do you ? Then we shall never be separated 
on account of incompatibility of temper. 

Tom. I wish somebody would carry you off and 
marry you. 

Lina. I mean to be married first, and carried off 
afterwards. 

Tom. You're a goose ! 

Lina. You're a donkey ! 

Tom (grimacing). Ya! Ya ! Ya! 

Lina (grimacing). Bray, donkey, bray ! 

(Tom flings himself into chair at window. Lina 
seats herself by work-basket, and busies herself icith 
worsted. Abxer looks at his watch.) 

Abner. Ten o'clock. I must be getting up to town. 
Can I bring you anything, Lina? 

Tom. Yes, uncle, bring out a muzzle. 

Lina. Do they muzzle donkeys, uncle? By all 
means, let Tom have the proper harness. 
i Tom. I spoke for you, Miss Impudence. 



14 THE FLOWER OF THE FAMILY. 

Lina. Indeed! Don't rob yourself on my account 
{lifting her dress). There's muslin enough here for me. 

Alice (outside c). All aboard. All aboard. Boat's 
at the landing; bait's in the b<>at; skipper's looking 
for a crew (appear* in doorway with bag swung at her 
side,jishiny-po!e i)i hand). And I'm the skipper, thank 
yon. O, here you ore. It's a glorious day tor sport. 
Who'll go? Come, Tom, forsake your favorite earth 

" For the feep, blue, boundless sea." 

Torn. No, I thank you. Fishing 's cruel sport ; I 
don't like it. 

Lina. You'll never be accused of cruelty, Tom. 
Tom. Do you mean to say I can't fish? 
Lina. Indeed you can. 

•• With perseverance worthy of a better caus 
all day, and never a nibble. 

Torn. O, I've hooked something in ray day. 

Lino, It must have been in your school-lays, when 
you hooked Jack. 

Alice. Don't tease him, Lina. Come, Tom; I'll let 
you take off my fish. 

N \ I thank yon; I've other fish to fry. 

Alice. Then I won't interfere with your cooking. 
Come, Nuoky, you try the rod with me. 

Aimer. I should be delighted, but I must <ro to 
town. 

Alice. Lina? 

Tina. Don't ask me; you know I am not a lover 
of manly sports. • 

Alice [with a mock courtesy). Ahem ! The flower 



THE FLOWER OF THE FAMILY. 15 

of the family has spoken. By the way, shouldn't 
flirtation be classed as a manly sport? Ha, ha! Linn, 
you're no lover of manly sports, O, no. You are an 
accomplished young lady, skilled in drawing, painting, 
music, and all those art-ful ways which make charming 
girls; while I — I love to race across the green ; to 
drive the black horses at their topmost speed ; to pull 
a boat ; and, when nobody's looking, to climb a tree. 
I want exercise, freedom, a brisk breeze upon my 
cheek, blue waves dancing about me. O, that's just 
glorious ! 

Abner. Yes, yes, that's all well enough, Alice; but 
you're too boisterous. A woman's place is inside the 
house ; she should be gentle, devoted to household 
affairs, soft of step, sweet-voiced. These are the 
qualities that beautify woman, and what every man 
hopes to find in a wife. 

Alice \ 

Tom \ (together). Hear, hear, hear ! 

Lina ) 

Alice. O, Nunky, when do you expect to find 
yours ? I know you've a poor opinion of little wild 
me. But don't be discouraged ; one of these days I 
may turn about and be an honor to you. I hope I 
may, for you have always been a kind — 

Abner. There, there, stop that. 

Alice. I'm off. Wish I could drum up a recruit. 
By the way, I had a dream last night. 

Lina. A dream ? 

Tom. That's nothing. I had the nightmare. 

Lina. How natural. " Birds of a feather," Tom. 



16 THE FLOWER OF THE FAMILY. 

Tom. You be banged ! 

Mrs. II. Children ! 

Abner. Don't interfere, Mary. 

Alice. Yes. I dreamed I was in my boat on tho 
lake, and a pickerel — such a beauty ! — took my hook. 
He weighed fifteen pounds. 

Tom. What a whopper ! 

Alice. He was. Tom, don't interrupt. I drew him 
into the boat; and what do you think he did? 

Tom. Died, of coarse. 

Una. No ; died of exposure. 

Alice. He raised himself erect, and, with a tear in 
his eye, a tremor in his voice — 

Tom. And a hook in his ^ills. 

Alice. — Asked me to marry him. 

Lina. Poor fellow. Knew he was to be cooked, 
and wanted a mess-mate. Did you accept him ? 

Alice. No, Lina. I served him as you do your 
admirers {points to bag). I sacked him. 

Lina. What a lucky escape from becoming a mer- 
maid. 

Alice. Now I'm going to catch him in earnest ; 
and if I succeed, and he asks me to marry him, I'll 
send him to you for your official sanction. 

Abner. If he comes to me, I'll eat him. 

Alice. Ha, ha, ha! And serve him right. Good- 
bye to you, and good luck to me ! {goes up to door c. 
— Policy Newcomb enters ; pole strikes his eye ; he 
ejaculates " Oh!" claps his hand to his eye ; hits the 
rake and sends it down upon Tom's head ; then comes 
e. c. holding his hand to his eye. Tom jumps up, 



THE FLOWER OF THE FAMILY. 17 

rubbing his head. Alice stands in door, looking at 
Policy an instant). I really bog your pardon, sir, but 
yon should keep your eyes open. [Exit. 

Policy. Don't apologize, it's all right. What is 
the loss of an eye or two to the happy possessor of a 
ten thousand dollar accident policy, who draws a 
weekly stipend of fifty dollars for the time he is dis- 
abled. That eye ought to be good for six weeks 
{rubs it). No, confound it, it's all right. 

Abner. Does your eye pain you? 

Policy. No. I wish it did. I've had the worst 
kind of luck with that policy in a railroad smash-up 
twice ; not a hair of my head injured. Blown up in a 
steamboat explosion, and landed safe in a rival boat. 
Run away with by a furious horse : he went over a 
precipice; I went safely into a tree. An unfortunate 
investment; it's on its last day, and I've not a scar 
to show. 

Lina (aside). Crying because he's not hurt. The 
man 's a fool. 

Abner. And you came here to tell us of your mis- 
fortunes ? 

Policy. Eh. I beg your pardon (gives letter). Read 
that, if you please. (Aside) Nice snug quarters ; 
luxury and comfort. Policy, my boy, you're in luck 
this time. 

Abner (after reading letter). Ah, I understand. 
Mr. Newcomb, I believe. 

Policy (bombastically). Policy Newcomb, agent for 
the " Live-for-Ever Life," the " Never-say-die Endow- 
ment," and the " Blow-up and Bust-up Accident " insur- 
2 



18 THE FLOWER OF THE FAMILY. 

ance companies ; three of the noblest institutions in 
the country, sir; with marble buildings in every large 
city, sir ; high-salaried officials, sir, who ride in their 
carriages, sir; liveried coachmen, and servants at their 
beck and call, sir. Institutions which draw in millions 
of the savings of all classes, sir, and pay out nobly, sir 
(aside), when they can't help it. 

Abner. From this letter, I understand we are to 
have the pleasure of your society for a few days. 

Policy. Exactly. Sheriff Thorne — 

Abner {interrupting). I understand. Let all busi- 
ness matters be settled in private. Mrs. Howland, Mr. 
Newcomb will stop with us. 

Mrs. H. I'm sure any friend of yours — 

Abner. Will be heartily welcome, of course. Will 
you find a room for Mr. Newcomb ? He may wish to 
change — 

Policy. Nothing at present. My superfluous linen 
will follow me (aside) wherever I go. Still a little 
soap and water might be of service — 

Mrs. H. O, certainly. (Rises. Abner steps up to 
her.) 

Abner. Mary, what I feared has come. This man 
is .a keeper. Keep it from the girls. 

Mrs. H. I will be careful (crosses to r.). Mr. New- 
comb, will you follow me ? [Exit r. 

Policy. With pleasure. (Aside) I've seen that 
lady's face before (going). 

Abmr. Mr. Newcomb, make yourself at home here. 
I will see you again. Just now, I must go to town. 

Policy (returning). To town ? How ? may I ask. 



THE FLOWER OF THE FAMILY. 19 

Abner. Behind a pair of fast trotters (goes up 
stage). 

Policy. Fast trotters (runs after him and brings 
him down). Mr. Howland, one word (emphatically). 
Are you insured ? 

Abner. Insured ? 

Policy (tragically). Pause, reflect, ponder. Fast 
trotters are sleek-coated demons. There is frenzy in 
their eyes, madness in their hearts, delusion in their 
heels. In their company your life is but a hair's-breadth, 
a horsehair's-breadth from destruction. Pause ere it 
is too late. Let me write you for ten thousand in the 
Bust-up and Blow-up Accident Company. The outlay 
is small ; the profit, should you be mangled or crippled, 
large ; should you perish by accident, immense. 

Abner. Mr. Newcomb, I've no time — 

Policy. Think of those infuriated steeds in a mo- 
ment of frenzy forsaking the peaceful, macadamized 
road, dashing with you at headlong speed to the brink 
of a frightful precipice. What supreme delight would 
animate your breast, as you hung over that frightful 
abyss, from which nothing could save you, to know 
you had in your pocket that priceless policy for ten 
thousand dollars. 

Abner. Ha, ha, ha! Not to-day, thank you Mr. 
Newcomb. I know my horses better than I know 
your company. I'll take my own risk. Good-bye, Lina. 
I'll be back to tea. 

Lina. Good-bye, uncle ; a pleasant ride ! 

Abner. Good morning, Mr. Newcomb. Mrs. How- 
land is waiting for you, and she'll insure you — ha, ha, 
ha ! — good accommodation. [Exit c. 



20 THE FLOWER OF THE FAMILY. 

Policy. He don't bite. Laugh away ; but a jocular 
vein won't save the jugular {going r. sees Lina). 
What a pretty girl {stops and looks at her work). Ah, 
fancy work. Do you like that, miss ? 

Lina. O, yes ; don't you ? 

Policy. Me ? I think croquet is one of the most 
fascinating employments of the fair sex. 

Lina. Indeed ! What excellent taste ! Hence- 
forth ray work will be si pastime {laughs). 

Policy {aside). She's making game of me. {Aloud) 
But don't you think it's a little bit wearing on the 
eyes ? 

Lina. It must be, especially after contact with 
such a hard substance as a fishing-pole. 

Policy {aside). Hem ! sharp 's the word there. 
{Aloud) Good morning {walks off r. 1st e. very stiff. 
Tom watches him off, then runs down to Lina, kneels, 
and puts his arm about her icaist). 

Tom. Darling, we are alone once more. 

Lina. Yes, Tom, " the cruel war is over " again. 

Tom. Yes, sweetheart, we can now dismiss the 
frown from our brows, the venom from our tongues, 
and be again a happy pair of lovers. 

Lina. O Tom, you can't imagine how hard it is 
for me to speak so sharply to you, whom I love so 
dearly. 

Tom. Yes, I can. " A fellow feeling," you know. 
Forgive me for all the hard words I have spoken. 

Lina. As I hope to be forgiven. 
Tom. It's our only course, Lina. War before 
others ; love and peace in secret. If Uncle Abner 
knew I dared to love you •— 



THE FLOWER OF THE FAMILY. 21 

Lina. He would lock me up, send you away, and, 
O, dear! I tremble at the thought; but, fortunately* 

Mr. Spofford, my Spicer, is the suspected party, and 
not Tom How land. 

Tom. Spofford! Lina, I hate that man. To see 
him with his infernal eye-glass ogling you; to hear his 
silly speeches ; to watch his confident assurance that 
he lias captivated you. Lina, I try to be patient; but 
I know some day I shall pound that chap. 

Lina. And ruin your prospects. No, Tom, be 
patient still. The other will soon appear, and then I'll 
change my tnctics. 

Tom. Indeed ; and be as deeply interested in hirn 
as you now seem to be with Spofford. That's con- 
soling. 

Lina. Well, where's the harm ? If I can fascinate 
him, will not my powers of attraction be enhanced ? 
Shall I not be a richer prize for you to win? 

Tom. And I shall win you? Assure me of that, 
and I care not how many suitors flicker about the 
flame that burns for me alone. 

Lina. That's very pretty, Tom. Be comforted ; 
my hand is yours when you shall dare to claim it. 

Tom {seizing her hand). 'Tis the dearest little hand 
in the wide, wide world (kisses it frantically. Policy 
enters r. 1 e. wiping his hands with his handkerchief). 

Policy. -Ahem! (Lina screams and bends over her 
zoorJc. Tom jumps up and goes to table with his back 
to Lina. Policy looks from one to the other, then 
steps to c. / looks at each again slowly, then) 

Policy. If I had only known — but I didn't. You 



22 THE FLOWER OP THE FAMILY. 

see I am a new-comer; not used to the ways of the 
house; but it's all right. I'm blind {pointedly to 
Lina), color-blind. I shall take occasion to congratu- 
late Mr. Howland — 

Tom {turning to Newcomb). Not for the world. 
Open your lips to speak of what you have here seen, 
and we are ruined. 

Policy. You don't say so ! 

Tom. I cannot explain the circumstances under 
which we are placed ; but, as you say, it's all right. 
And I am ready to buy your silence, if it is necessary. 

Policy {indignantly). Buy? Buy me? Young 
man, are you insured ? 

Tom. No. 

Policy. No? Young man, look at that fair, blush- 
ing face bending in happy confusion over her work- 
basket. She loves you ; you love her ; you love and 
live together. You would draw her from her secluded 
and happy home to share your fortunes. You would 
do this, rash youth, knowing the uncertainty of life, 
with a full knowledge that in your daily walks a brick 
from some towering chimney might fall upon your 
head to crush you; two bricks, perhaps, with but a 
single thought — to mash you. Be wise ; secure her 
future before you attempt to secure her. Let me 
write you for ten thousand in the Never-say-Die, and 
then you may laugh at fate, and, beneath a pile of 
bricks, triumphantly smile to know the loved one re- 
joices in the possession of that policy. 

Tom. Yes ; I see what you want. If I take a 
policy, your mouth is sealed. 



THE FLOWER OF THE FAMILY. 23 

Policy. We never go back on our policy-holders. 

Tom. Well. {Aside) Confound this fellow! {Aloud) 
I'll reflect upon it. 

Policy. There's no time like the present {takes 
circular from his pocket). Here, look at our state- 
ment, — surplus enormous. 

Tom {aside). O, bother {takes paper, and goes up 
to window. Policy folloics, and talks in pantomime). 

Lina {laughs). Poor Tom! his troubles have com- 
menced. If he hadn't been quite so handy with his 
kisses, this miserable man would never have had it in 
his power to make us tremble in his presence. 

Tom {jiointing to window). O, yes ; those are 
mine; raised them myself. I'm something of a gar- 
dener. Stroll out, and look over the beds. I'll join 
you presently. 

Policy. Thank you, I will {comes down with Tom, 
and takes his hat from table). I'm a Conner sure in 
garden sass. I'll look up your mammoth cabbages. I 
don't care much for roses, but among the green 'uns 
{at door) I'm at home {Exit. Tom toatches him off). 

Tom. Lina ! 

Lina. Tom ! 

{Reenter Policy, c.) 

Policy. By the way, you'll want an accident policy 
to go with — 

Tom {angrily). Mr. Npwcomb, I want nothing 
but to be rid of your inf- — delightful society for ten 
minutes. 

Policy. Don't get mnd. It is your interest I have 
at heart. You are a gardener, in hourly danger of 



24 THE FLOWER OF THE FAMILY. 

having your foot split open with a hoe, or your head 
scraped with a rake; or — or — of being stung by 
some poisonous reptile — a toad, or a bull-frog. What 
a salve would it be to your wounded anatomy, should 
you — 

Tom. Another word, and no policy for me. I'd 
sooner take the consequences. 

Policy {aside). That policy wouldn't suit this pol- 
icy. {Aloud) O, very well. I leave the matter to 
your calm consideration; but remember, there are vital 
interests at stake. \_12xit c. 

Tom. There's a martyr at the stake, that's sure. 
O, Lin a, what's to be done ? 

Tina. Don't ask me ; you've brought this upon 
yourself. 

Tom. Brought this upon myself? Well, I like 
that ! 

Tina. And I don't like it. You've compromised 
me, sold yourself to that hateful insurance thing, and 
ruined our prospects. 

Tom. Well, you had a hand in it — a very pretty 
one, too. Don't be angry, Lina ; I'll find some way to 
insure our safety. 

Tina. Indeed! Haven't you had enough of in- 
surnnce yet? 

Tom. Don't be cruel {bending over her- tenderly, 
loith clasped hands). Nothing shall part us. 

Alice {outside a). Come right in ; never mind the 
water. 

Tom. The deuce ! {runs to table / picks up a book ; 
sits in chair l. of table, and reads. Enter c. Alice. 



THE FLOWER OF THE FAMILY. 25 

She comes down to table. Oscar appears in doorway ; 
stoj?s there.) 

Alice {as she enters). Nobody will mind your ap- 
pearance. A shipwrecked mariner finds sympathy all 
the world over. 

Oscar. You are very kind; but people are not 
fond of having shipwrecked mariners deluge their car- 
pets with briny tears. I think I'll stop outside. 

Alice. Come in ; I insist. Nobody will eat you. 

Tom (aside). I should say not; a less tempting 
morsel I never saw. 

Oscctr. O, very well, if you insist (comes down). 
And now I am here, will you be good enough to tell 
me where I am, and to whom I am indebted for hos- 
pitality. 

Alice. This is the residence of Mr. Abner Howland. 

Oscar (starting). Abner Howland! 

Alice. That lovely young lady yonder is Miss Lina 
Howland. 

Oscar (bows to Lixa). (Aside) My guardian's 
choice. Well, well ! he told but half the truth. 

Alice. That studious young gentleman there is Mr. 
Tom Howland. 

Oscar (botes and shakes hands with Tom). Glad to 
meet you, sir. Br-r-r (shivers). 

Tom (aside). A chilling reception. 

Oscar (to Alice). And you ? 

Alice (laughs). O, I'm — I'm — nobody. 

Oscar. Indeed ! Then I am indebted to Nobody 
for my life, for which I am truly grateful (bows to 
Alice. She acknowledges). Miss Howland, and you, 



26 THE FLOWER OF THE FAMILY. 

Mr. Howlancl, will, I trust, pardon this damp intrusion, 
when I inform you that {sneezes) I've caught a cold. 
Where was I ? O, having arrived last night at the 
cosy little hotel at Mayburn, and catching — {s?ieezes) 

Tom {aside). Hope it is not catching here. 

Oscar. — Catching a glimpse of the lake this morn- 
ing, I was seized with — {sneezes) — a desire to have a 
pull — {sneezes) 

Tom {aside). That's a pull back. 

Oscar. — On its placid waters. I equipped myself 
in this rather unfashionable suit, obtained a boat, and 
for a time — {sneezes) 

Tom {aside). That's for the fifth time. 

Oscar. — Enjoyed myself hugely, until seeing this 
young lady, Miss Nobody — {sneezes) 

Tom {aside). Must have had a delightful duet. 

Oscar. — Fishing, I made a quick turn to see what 
she was catching. 

Alice. Caught a crab, and capsized the boat, that's 
all. 

Oscar. No, that's not all.; for you at once rowed 
to my assistance. Just in time, too, for these heavy 
boots were fast dragging me to the bottom {sneezes). 

Tom {aside). I'm glad he's touched bottom. 

Lina. O, Ally, has your dream come true? 

Alice. Lina, don't you dare speak of that. 

Oscar. A dream ! That's good. What was it ? 
Dreams are so delightful — {shivers) 

Tom {aside). He shivers with delight. 

Oscar. — When young ladies tell them. 

Lina. O, this was the queerest — 



THE FLOWER OF THE FAMILY. 27 

Alice. Lina Rowland ! if you tell — 

Lina. I will. You must know, Mr. — By the way, 
you have not introduced yourself! 

Oscar. No? {Aside) I don't mean to, either. {Aloud) 
O, certainly, I must introduce myself {claps hand to 
his breast). I've left my cards at the hotel {shivers) ; 
and then I'm so flustered by being in the water so 
long {shivers) ; and this costume is not exactly fitted 
for a ceremonious call ; so, if you please, for the pres- 
ent I will be — Mr. Nobody {sneezes). 

Tom {aside). Nobody! He must be the great 
Julius Sneezer! But, my dear fellow, you must be 
very damp and miserable, soaked with water ; fortu- 
nately, I can furnish you with a change of raiment. I 
won't answer for the fit. 

Oscar. Anything will answer, thank you {sneezes 
violently). 

Tom. You couldn't have a worse fit than that. 

Oscar. But I'm anxious to hear about the dream. 

Alice. That story will keep. Attend to your com- 
fort, I beg. 

Tom {comes r.). Do, old fellow, make yourself 
comfortable and presentable; for you certainly are not 
making a favorable impression, either upon the ladies 
or the carpet. Come. 

Oscar {comes to r., turns and botes). Excuse me, 
ladies. {Aside) I have fallen unawares into my guar- 
dian's cosy nest. Unknown, I will learn more of my 
promised bride, and Miss Nobody. {Follows Tom off, 

R. 1st E.) 

Lina. So you have fished to some purpose to-day. 



28 THE FLOWER OF THE FAMILY. 

Alice. Have I ? I've always been told that there 
is as good fish in the sea as ever was caught; but let's 
wait until mine is properly dressed. 

Lina. His address is that of a gentleman. 

Alice. He is a gentleman. You should have heard 
his talk in the boat. Such expressions of gratitude ! 
such a glow ! such a — really, it almost upset me. 

Lina. No wonder; your boat is so small. 

Alice. Then, his eyes! Did you ever see finer? 

Lina. Ha, ha, ha ! the dream is certainly coming 
true. 

Alice. Nonsense, Lina! Do yon suppose he will 
give a second glance at such an insignificant romp 
as I? 

Lina. No doubt of it ! and with as much expres- 
sion in those eyes — did you ever see finer, Ally? — 
as endangered your safety in the boat. Ha, ha, ha ! 

Alice. I won't give him the chance. I'll keep out 
of his way until he leaves the house. 

Lina. Do, Ally. That will make him crazy to 
return. That's strategy, Ally. 

Alice. Lina, you are provoking. 

Li?ia. It is the smitten heart that feels the smart. 
(Spofford ajypears in door c. with eye-glass to his 
eye.) The wounded bird that flutters. 

Spofford {conies down a). Yah, yah, yah If that's me ! 

Alice ) 

Lina {■ Mr. Spofford ! 

Spofford. Yah, yah, yah ! Spofford 's the wounded 
bird that flutters wound the candle. 

* Meaning " Yes, yes, yes ! " 



THE FLOWER OF THE FAMILY. 29 

Alice. Ha, ha, ha ! 'Tis the moth that flutters round 
the candle. 

Spofford. Ith it ? Yah, yah ! I didn't know what 
kind of a bird it was. But I'd just as lives be a moth- 
bird as any other. 

Lina. And where's the candle, Spicer dear ? {takes 
his r. arm and looks up into his face.) 

Spofford (aside). Spicer dear! She weally loves 
me. (Aloud, looking down at her tenderly) And can 
you weally ask, Lina dear? 

Lina. Ha, h.*;, ha! So I'm a candle ! 

Spofford. No, no, no! Not a weal candle, you 
know ; but something bwilliant ! 

Alice. Gas-light, for instance. 

Spofford. Yah, yah, yah ! But the candle 's — wax 
can<He, you know — not a bad idea, because you're so 
finely moulded. 

Alice (aside). And have a stick to support you. 

Lina. Mr. Spofford, that was really a fine compliment. 

Spofford. Yah, yah, yah ! I thought you'd like it — 
the candle — made it out of my own head. 

Lina. O, Spicer dear, how lonesome we should be 
without your daily visits ! 

Spofford. Yah, yah, yah ! Fisher says to me this 
morning — Fisher, you know, is the landlord at the 
hotel over at Mayburn. Rough fellow, Fisher ; but 
he amuses me, Fisher does. Eats with his knife, you 
know — Yah, yah, yah ! Fisher says, " What will the 
young ladies do without you over at Squire Rowland's? 
They cant play croquet on the lawn when you a e 
gone." Then I said a good thing — a deuthid bright 
thin 2. 



30 THE FLOWER OF THE FAMILY. 

Lina. You ? 

Spofford. Yah, yah, yah ! I said they'll be more for- 
lawn than ever! Yah, yah, yah ! Wasn't that good? 

Lina (wonderingly). More for Lawn ? 

Alice (slowly). More — for — lawn ? 

Spofford. Yah, yah, yah ! Don't you thee ? You 
won't go to the lawn ; but you'll be more for going to 
the lawn ; that is, you'll wish that you could go for 
more lawn; and yMi'd be lawn for — Deuth take it, 
I've got mixed somehow ; but that forlorn idea was 
good ; made it out of my own head. 

Alice (sighs). Iligh-ho ! 

/Spofford. What's the matter with Mith Alice ? 

Lina. Low spirits, I guess. 

Spofford. What the death makes folks say high- 
ho, when they're in low spirits ? 

Lina. You haven't said a word to her. 

Spofford. O, she's jealous. (Aside) She's in love 
with me too, poor thing ! (Aloud) Mith Alice, can you 
tell me why my left arm is stronger than my light ? 

Alice. Your left arm stronger than your right ? 

Spofford. Yah, yah, yah! 

Alice. No ; I'm sure I cannot. 

Spofford. Because, you see, while there's more on 
my right arm it's Lina, and my left has something to 
spare. 

Alice (locking her arm in his, l.). I see, something 
to spare me. Now that was very good. 

Spofford. Yah, yah, yah ! I thought you'd like 
tint ; made it out of my own head. 

Alice (aside). There's nothing to spare there (they 
promenade to left). 



THE FLOWER OF THE FAMILY. 31 

Spofford. Now, what shall we do this morning; play 
croquet or ride ? ( Turn to e. and promenade back.) 

Lina. Croquet, of course. 

Alice. Ride, by all means. 

Spofford. Yah, yah, yah ! Croquet and ride. 

Lina. No ; croquet will be sufficient. I don't care 
to ride. 

Alice. And I don't care to play croquet. 

Spofford {stopping in c). Yah, yah, yah ! 

Lina. I insist upon croquet. 

Alice. The mallets are locked up in my room, and 
will not come cut this morning. 

Lina. I will not ride, and you cannot go without 
me. 

Alice. O yes, we can. Can't we, Mr. Spofford ? 

Spofford. Well, now, weally — 

Lina (goes e.). I understand you prefer Ally's 
company to mine! 

Alice (goes l.). Two is company, and three is 
none. I understand ! 

Spofford. Yah, yah, yah ! But, the deuce ! Take 
two from onc\ and nothing remains. What am I? 

Alice. A cipher, of course. 

Spofford. Yah, yah, yah ! I sigh-for company ! Now 
that's a sudden thing, but it's good — that cipher — 
made out of my own head {looks at each). Poor 
things! I've fascinated both; but I can't marry but 
one. Why wasn't I born a Mormon ? (Enter Mes. 
Howland, e. 1 e.) Ah, good morning, Mrs. Howland. 

Mrs. H. Good morning, Mr. Spofford. I am glad 
you called. I wish to speak with you alone. 



32 THE FLOWER OF THE FAMILY. 

Spofford. Yah, yah, yah ! Certainly. (Aside) Alone ! 
What the deuce is the matter now? (Enter Tom, 
e. 1 E.) 

Tom. I've induced our unknown friend to crawl 
into bed, after rattling down my meerschaums and 
other ornaments with his confounded shivering and 
sneezing ; and I'm going over to Mayburn to get him 
a dry suit. 

Mrs. H. Take the girls with you, Tom ; they'll 
enjoy the ride. 

Alice. Not I, mother. I'll take the opportunity of 
your entertaining Mr. Spofford — alone, to divest my- 
self of my fishing-skirt. Don't be alarmed. I'll not 
disturb your delightful tete-a-tete. [Exit door l. 

Lina. And I'll go with Tom, mother. I don't 
think I shall enjoy the ride in his society; but to 
oblige you — 

Tom. O, humbug ! You're dying to go ; you know 
you are ;■ but I won't have you. You'll scare the 
horse. 

Lina. What a pity that would be! You're such a 
poor driver. Now I will go, just to spite you. There's 
a short cut to the stable across the dahlia bed (going). 

Tom. If you dare cross that, you'll catch it. 

Lina. Stop me if you can, booby (runs off a). 

Tom (running after her). Stop, I say ! Plngue ! 
torment ! nuisance ! [Exit c. 

3frs. H. (seating herself l. of table). Mr. Spofford, 
please take a seat. 

/Spofford (seating himself r. of table). Yah, 
yah, yah ! 



THE FLOWER OF THE FAMILY. 33 

Mrs. H. As a friend of my late husband, you were 
kind enough to search me out, and tender your sym- 
pathy. 

Spofford. Yah, yah, yah ! Mr. Rowland, your late 
departed, was a nice man, he was. Used to lend me 
small sums, and didn't dun me. I always liked Mr. 
Rowland. 'Twas mighty inconvenient, his dying. 

Mrs. H. Your sympathy was very kind ; and were 
I in my own house — 

Spofford. Now, don't apologize. It makes no dif- 
ference to me. I'm just as glad to see you here as if 
it was your own house. 

Mrs. II. Yes ; but still there is a difference — 

Spofford. Not the least. I can call anywhere. I 
have a way of making myself at home at all times and 
in all places. 

Mrs. II. Still, I am compelled by circumstances to 
thank you for your kindness, and ask you to cease 
your visits here. 

Spofford. Circumstances ! Yah, yah, yah ! Neigh- 
bors talk about it! But who cares ? Mere gossip. 
Not to be thought of. 

Mrs. II. (rising). Mr. Spofford, I am very sorry 
you will not understand my meaning; it compels me 
to speak plainly. Your society is no longer agreeable 
to me, or the master of this house (crosses to r.). I 
shall give orders that you are not to be admitted to 
the house or the grounds. Good morning. 

[Exit R. 1 e. 

Spofford (still seated). Yah, yah, yah ! Kicked 
out ! that's the English of it ! Now, now, now ! what . 
3 



34 THE FLOWER OF THE FAMILY. 

the deuce is the matter with her ? Somebody 's been 
meddling. Heard something. And I'm to be cut off 
in the flower of my youth ! Yah, yah, yah ! Guess 
not, Mrs. Howland. Spofford hasn't set his head to 
work for this conclusion — just as both of those girls 
are so captivated that they would follow me to the end 
of the earth. Yah, yah, yah ! I've got it. An elope- 
ment ! Deuced good idea. A ride over to the par- 
son's what's his name at Mayburn to-night ; a word 
in the parson's ear — a marriage ! And then they 
won't give orders to keep me out of the house, or the 
grounds. They'd have no gwounds on which to do it 
then. That's good — no gwounds ; made out of my 
own head, too. Yes, Miss Lina is the one ; she's 
pretty, and silly ; just suits me. The other — I'm afraid 
of her. I'll try it {takes paper and pen, and writes). 

{Enter c. Newcomb / he stops and looks at Spcf- 
ford, lohose back is half turned to him.) 

Newcomb. Hallo ! a new arrival ? Chance for a 
speculation here. Strike while the iron 's hot {comes 
down l. ; sits in chair and slaps the table with his 
hand). Stranger, are you insured? 

(Spofford looks up with a start / Newcomb starts; 
falls back in his chair. Spofford does the same.) 

Newcomb. Spicer Spofford. 

Spofford. Policy Newcomb. 

Newcomb. What is your little game here, Spofford ? 

Spofford. Yah, yah! What's yours? You lead 
and I'll follow suit. 

Newcomb. There's no mystery about my pres- 
ence here. The old gentleman, Mr. Abner Howland — 



THE FLOWER OF THE FAMILY. 35 

(Alice steps in from door l., which should be icell 
up stag®, so that the parties at table have their backs 
to her ; shi sees them, and is about to retire, but stops) 

— is in difficulty. He owes a large sum to certain par- 
ties. He is unable to pay ; so I am here. 

Spofford. . Yah, yah, yah ! A keeper ! 

Alice. A keeper in uncle's house ! \_Exit door l. 

ATeiccomb. Yes, a keeper. Now for your play. 

Spofford. Yas! Play? You've hit it, Policy. I'm 
on a pleasure trip. 

Newcomb. You've tripped already. Won't do. 
Try again, Spicer. The Bowcliffe Insurance Company 
give their clerks no pleasure trips. Try again. 

Spofford. Well, then, call it a diplomatic mission. 

Newcomb. A diplomatic mission from the office ? 
They'd as soon trust a baby. 

/Spofford. Ah, you don't know everything, Policy. 
I've found out something; a grand, universal discovery 

— all out of my own head, too. 

Newcomb. Well, if you've found you've got a head, 
that is something no one has ever yet discovered. 

Spofford. Yah, yah ! Something royal — a fortune! 
This is a secret, Newcomb. 

Newcomb. Of course. 

Spofford. Yah, yah, yah ! Well, you see, about 
three months ago, I was looking over the policy-book, 
and I came across a paid-up policy for twenty-five 
thousand dollars, taken out, ten years ago, by one 
Gordon Howl and. 

Newcomb. Gordon Howland ? Yes. I wrote his 
myself; and 'twas a good day's work for me. 



36 THE FLOWER OF THE FAMILY. 

Spofford. Yah, yah, yah ! Well, he's dead and 
gone, poor man; and the policy has never been«paid. 

Newcomb. Not paid ! How is that ? 

/Spofford. No claim has ever been made. Don't 
you see, he did it to surprise his family when he should 
die. Hid the policy. Couldn't tell when he was 
struck down ; and there is the money unclaimed. 

Newcomb. It was written in favor of his wife ; and 
she — 

Spofford. Is now in this house. 

Newcomb. O, ho! I see ! I thought I'd seen that 
face before. Good! And you, Spicer, like a good 
friend, have come down here to communicate the 
joyful news. 

Spofford. Yah, yah, yah ! I guess not, Policy. 
That's not my little game. O, I'm a deep one, New- 
comb. I don't look it, but I am. 

Newcomb. You don't look deep, Spofford, that's a 
fact. 

Spofford. But I am. She's got 'two daughters — 
one too many — but they're both in love with me. Do 
you see? I'll marry one; you shall marry the other. 

Newcomb. Well, that's kind of you, Spicer, to re- 
member me in this ; especially as you can't marry both. 
Why, Spicer, what a head you have! 

Spofford. O, I'm sharp ! I've worked my cards 
well ; only just now — I'm kicked out ! 

Neiccomb. Kicked out? 

Spofford. Yes ; forbidden the house by Mrs. How- 
land. Perhaps she's an idea that all is not right. But 
I'm going to play my trump card now. 



THE FLOWER OF THE FAMILY. 37 

Newcomb. Let's see the little joker. 

Spofford. I've just written a line to Miss Lin a. 
She's the favorite {looks at paper). "Meet me at the 
arbor to-night, at seven. I am forbidden to see you. 
They shall not part us. I'll bring a vehicle ; the par- 
son at Mayburn will expect us," &c, &c. She'll come. 
A little persuasion, and an elopement. See, New- 
comb ? 

JWewcomb. Short notice. Do you imagine she will 
consent? 

Spofford. Don't I tell you she's in love, with me ? 
She'll come (rises). I'll tuck the note into her basket 
{comes to r. and places note). She'll be sure to see it. 
It's a deuced deep scheme; made out of my own head, 
too. Good-bye (going). 

JSTewcomb (runs after him and brings him down). 
Stop ! You are about to undertake a deed fraught 
with danger. You will drive over to Mayburn. The 
road is rocky, precipitous, dangerous. You may be 
pursued; perhaps overturned; shot at; killed! Let 
»*e Avrite you an accidental policy. 

Spofford. Yah, yah, yah ! You do it well, New- 
comb — deuced well ; but a good cook makes pies and 
eats bread. Now that's good ; sudden, but good. Made 
it out of my own head. [Exit c. 

Policy. Bread made out of his own head ! Why 
shouldn't he — dough-head ? What a fool ! Marry the 
girl if you like ; but I'll go to the fountain-head (at 
door). I'll try for the old lady. [Exit c. 

(Enter Alice, door l. She runs up to c. door and 
looks after them.) 



38 THE FLOWER OF THE FAMILY. 

Alice. Ruin threatens my uncle ; and my dear fa- 
ther lias somewhere hidden the power to save hiin. It 
must be found. Be mine the task. Heads may scheme, 
but hearts, through faith and love, oft work and win 
(stands at door with right hand raised). 

[ Curtain.'] 



THE FLOWER OF THE FAMILY. 39 



Act II. — Scene same as Act I. Mrs. H. seated in 
easy -chair l. of table, winding yarn from a skein 
which Newcomb holds on his hands. He is seated 
r. of table, very stiff, with a marked look of admi- 
ration on his face. Alice seated r., reading a book. 

Mrs. H. I'm so sorry to trouble you, Mr. Newcomb. 
This must be an irksome task to you. 

Policy. Not a bit of it, Mrs. Howland. I — I like 
it ; 'tis a pleasure to sit and see one's self wound into 
the fingers of lovely woman. There's a positive feeling 
of attachment in it. 

Mrs. II. All, you look at it in a business light ; 
attachments, I believe, are in your line. 

Policy (aside). That's a hit at the keeper. (Aloud) 
No ; quite a romantic episode. To feel that with every 
twirl of your fingers I am being drawn into your 
domestic rounds, being drawn nearer and nearer to — 
(bends towards Mrs. H.). 

Mrs. H. Sit straight, Mr. Newcomb ; you'll tangle 
the skein. 

Policy (straightening up quickly). Thank you. 
(Aside) Hang the skein ! (Aloud) How can I help 
unbending in your society ? I have seen so little of 
female society, that I desire to grasp (bends forward 
again with hands stretched towards Mrs. H.). 

Mrs. II. Keep your hands apart, Mr. Newcomb ; 
do, please ! 



40 THE FLOWER OF THE FAMILY. 

Policy {straightening up and stretching his hands 
apart). Thank you. I must be very awkward. 

Mrs. II. That is to be expected at a new employ- 
ment. I think you told me, Mr. Newcomb, you are 
unmarried. 

Policy. At present. Yes ; a poor, forlorn bachelor. 
O, Mrs. Howland, I trust you may be spared the mise- 
ries that are the portion of such as I. No one to love ; 
no one to sew on a button, or care a button. 

Mrs. H. Be careful, Mr. Newcomb; my yarn. 

Policy (straightening up). Thank you. (Aside) 
She's not interested in my yarn. (Aloud) Yes, Mrs. 
Howland. I am an unwritten policy, waiting for some 
one to take the risk ; but a policy, Mrs. Howland, des- 
tined to enrich the taker with lar^e dividends of affec- 
tions during life, and a rich endowment when time 
shall break the brittle thread (gesticulates). 

3Irs. II You'll break my yarn. Do be careful, 
Mr. Newcomb. 

Policy (straightening up). Thank you. (Aside) 
Confound the yarn ! 

Mrs. H. So rich a prize, Mr. Newcomb, will not 
long remain unsought. 

Policy (Aside). Ah, ha! There's speculation in 
those eyes. (Aloud) Do you think so? — really, truly 
think so ? Make me happy by repeating that pro- 
phecy. 

Mrs. H. Your time will come, depend upon it. 

Policy. " Fly time, and bring the joyful day." I have 
singled out the object of my adoration. As yet she 
knows not the deep love she has inspired; but she 



THE FLOWER OP THE FAMILY. 41 

holds the threads of my destiny in her two lovely 
hands — in her lovely two — O, pshaw! I feel I am 
rapidly being drawn nearer and nearer to — 

Mrs. II. {loinding the last of the skein). The end 
at last, Mr. Newcomb. 

Alice {laughs). Ha, ha, ha! 

Policy. Eh ! What amuses yon, Miss Alice? 

Alice. Only my book, sir. 

Policy. And your book is — 

Alice. "The Fortune Hunter." Have you read it ? 

Policy. No. Blood-and-thunder adventures in the 
mines do not interest me. I wonder they should 
you. 

Alice. You are mistaken. The fortune-hunter that 
interests me is no daring desperado; but a smooth, 
calculating rascal, who is endeavoring to secure a good 
woman's hand, that with it he may snatch her little 
fortune, and enjoy it. 

Policy {confused). Ah — yes — indeed! Quite 
another character. Well, does he succeed? 

Alice. I think not. He deserves to be defeated ; 
but domestic dramas are such masquerades, we must 
wait patiently, until, like you and mother just now, 
we have reached the end. 

Policy. O, yes, yes ; exactly. {Aside) I don't like 
this. Can she suspect ? {Aloud) Shall I hold another 
skein, Mrs. Howland ? 

Mrs. II. That's all, thank you. I am going to the 
garden {goes vp stage). 

Policy. May I go with you? I'm very, very fond 
of roaming: among* the lilies and daffo down dillies. 



42 THE FLOWER OF THE FAMILY. 

Mrs. H. I si) all be very glad of your company, 
and will take pains to show you the sweetest and pret- 
tiest. [Exit c. 

Policy. Thank you. {Aside) And the richest is 
yourself. Newcomb, my boy, you're in favor here. 
Policies are looking up. [Exit c. 

Alice (rises, and passes to chair l. of table). Poor 
mother ! She little dreams that she is the object of 
adoration, soughi by uncle's keeper! I dare not tell 
her my discovery, lest I awaken hopes that may not 
be realized. I must begin my search at once. That 
policy, of such priceless value now, must be hidden 
somewhere in the old house. I have no clue to its 
hiding-place. I must find an excuse to visit our old 
home alone ; and once within its walls, I will not give 
up the search until it's mine. 

(Enter Oscar, r. 1 e.) 

Oscar. May I come in? 

Alice. If you are the unskilful oarsman who was 
put to bed, like a naughty boy, as a punishment, and 
if you are ready to say you will never, never do so 
again, you may. 

Oscar. I am ready to say anything that will give 
me an opportunity to speak with you. 

Alice (aside). What a handsome fellow! 

Oscar. I believe I am a little more presentable ; 
and, thanks to our friend Tom's accommodation, fully 
recovered from the effects of my bath. . 

Alice. I am very glad to hear it. What a queer 
adventure ! 

Oscar. Very. It cannot be called romantic; for by 



THE FLOWER OF THE FAMILY. 43 

all the rules of modern fiction, it's the heroic yonng 
man who, at the peril of his life, saves the beautiful 
maiden from a watery grave. We have transgressed 
those rules, for a beautiful maiden has saved — 

Alice. The heroic young man who couldn't manage 
his boat. Ha, ha, ha ! 

Oscar. Laugh at me if you will ; but I shall al- 
ways bless the awkward turn that made us friends. 

Alice. Friends ! Do you think so ? I fancy that 
when you have left this place, you will laugh in turn 
at the unwomanly hoiden who caused the accident. 

Oscar. If you think so, then I shall never leave this 
place. 

Alice. Indeed ! So, having caught my fish, I must 
preserve it. Ha, ha, ha! 

Oscar. Preserve the recollection of how yon caught 
it. I am content. I shall remember it as one of those 
chance occurrences which are turning-points in lite. 

Alice. So serious as that? 

Oscar. You do not know me. For years I have 
been a wanderer in the old world, with wealth at my 
command; every wish gratified. I have enjoyed all 
the delights of travel. I have met many beautiful 
women ; but I came back to my native land, heart 
whole. But now — 

Alice. Excuse me ; but this language from a stran- 
ger to a stranger — 

Oscar. You will pardon. It may be presuming, 
but 'tis honest and earnest. Now, though we have 
never met until this day, I've found my fate. There 
is but one desire in my heart — to become nearer and 
dearer to you. 



44 THE FLOWER OF THE FAMILY. 

Alice. Sir — Mr. — you forget — 

Oscar. It is that one word, forget, which has made 
inc speak. But that you had said I should forget you, 
my voice would have been silent. 

Alice. You have no right to speak thus to me. 

Oscar. I have the right of every honest man to 
tell a woman of his love — 

Alice. No more of this, I beg. My uncle and 
guardian will be pleased to see you, should you call 
during your stay at May burn. 

Oscar. And you ? 

Alice. Will be glad to meet any friend my uncle 
shall present. 

Oscar. And he will present me in form, and then 
we shall become — 

Alice {giving her hand). Friends, if you desire it. 

Oscar. Yes, dear friends. And that I may hasten 
the time, the good time coming, I will now take my 
leave. For the debt of gratitude I still owe you, let 
me slip this ring upon your finger, to remind you it 
will never be forgotten (slips a ring upon her finger). 
Ah ! some one has been before me ! A fair exchange — 

Alice. — Would in this case be a robbery. I can 
never part with that. 

Oscar. Ah ! a favored suitor ! 

Alice. Yes, my father. You see it bears a motto. 

Oscar {talcing her hand, and examining the ring). 
A curious one. u Search the Scriptures." A wise pre- 
cept. 

Alice. My father, in apparent health, was stricken 
down suddenly, a year ago. He was brought home 



THE FLOWER OF* THE FAMILY. 45 

nncl laid upon his bed, from which he never rose again. 
He was a kind and noble father, and we all loved him 
dearly. He could not speak or move. I noticed that 
Lis eyes moved towards that ling on his finger which 
I had never seen before. Believing that I understood 
his wish, I took it from his finger and placed it upon 
mine. The satisfied look that beamed upon me I shall 
never forget. I thought I understood his meaning, and 
morning and evening since he died I have followed its 
precept: I could not part with it. To me it seems 
a happy talisman. 

Oscar. I would not take it from you. Let mine 
repose near it. It has no motto. I will give it one. 
"Search the giver." When you may come to know 
him better, you will find among the tokens of human 
frailty he must possess one redeeming virtue — a deep 
respect and a growing love for one to whom this new 
proof of goodness lends an added charm. Good-bye. 
We shall, we must meet again (kisses her hand, and 
goes towards door. Enter Mrs. II. cmc/ Newcoub). 

Mrs. II You are going to leave us ? 

Oscar. Yes, Mrs. Howland, with many thanks for 
the kind treatment I have received. 

Mrs. H. I hope you suffer no inconvenience from 
your accident. 

Policy, r. Accident? 

Mrs. II, c. This gentleman was capsized upon the 
lake this morning. 

Policy. Ah, ha ! Another fearful warning! 

" Life, 'tis a strife, 'tis a bubble, 'tis a dream, 
And man he is a little boat a-floating down the stream." 



46 THE FLOWER OF THE FAMILY. 

But the little boat will get upset, and the angry 
waves lash the frail craft, and drag — 

Oscar, l. Excuse me, sir, but your boat is pitching 
rather heavily on a calm lake. 

Policy. Are you insured ? 

Oscar. I'm in doubt ; consult my agent. 

Policy. Be warned ; be wise. You are a water- 
man, a skimmer of the seas. You trust your skull to 
the mercy of a pair of sculls — mere spoons. Water 
is a deadly fluid when taken into the system in too 
copious draughts. You must see the folly of trusting 
yourself on the angry deep without a life-preserver. 

Oscar {looking at Alice). I was fortunate enough 
to find one in the hour of adversity. 

Policy. The only real preservers are the Burst-ups 
and Blow-ups. I'm their accredited agent. Let me 
write you for ten thousand — 

Oscar {laughs). Not to-day, thank you. I'll take 
my chances with the preserver I have already secured, 
and like so well that I am anxious to give it another 
trial. Good afternoon {bows, and exits c). 

Policy. He don't bite ; after such an escnpe, too. 
O, he must listen to reason. Here, Mr. — what's your 
name ? — one word — [Exit c. 

Mrs. H. I declare ! Mr. Newcomb is the most per- 
severing man I ever met. It's a wonder he hasn't 
attempted to induce me to take a policy. 

Alice {laughing). He will, mother, take my word 
for it ; and such a policy ! 

Mrs. H. What do you mean, child ? I haven't a 
cent to invest in such a venture. 



THE FLOWER OF THE FAMILY. 47 

Alice. He only requires your assent to write you, 
as lie terms it, for life. 

Mrs. II. Let me catch him trying it, that's all. I 
always did detest insurance. 

Alice. Don't say that, mother ; it may yet prove a 
blessing to us. 

Mrs. II. That was the only subject your father and 
I disagreed upon. 

Alice. Indeed ! {Aside) That accounts for the 
hiding. 

Mrs. H. It's tempting Providence — that it is ; and 
I'm glad your father took my advice, and let it alone. 
I had my way in that. 

Alice. Indeed! {Aside) If I cannot disprove that, 
I shall be no true daughter of a noble father. {Exit l. 
as LitfA enters c. hurriedly.) 

Una {throwing off shawl and hat on chair by 
window). So — so — Mr. Spofford has been forbidden 
the house, and by you, mother ! It's a shame to treat 
a gentleman in this manner! 

Mrs. H. Lin a! 

Una, r. I will speak. What right have you to do 
this? 

Mrs. H., r. I acted on your father's wishes, Lina. 

Una. Indeed ! Am I to be treated like a child ? 
I like Mr. Spofford, and I will not allow my admirers 
to be driven away in this manner. When I am tired, 
I know how to rid myself of them. 

Mrs. H. Mr. Spofford came here as my friend, 
Lina. Yon will certainly allow me the privilege you 
claim, of ridding myself when I am tired ? 



48 THE FLOWER OF THE FAMILY. 

Lina. O, pshaw ! You know very well that was 
but an excuse. 

Mrs. H. Then I acted rightly. No gentleman 
would seek to gain admission here by a subterfuge. I 
am sorry you are not satisfied, Lina (crosses to r.), but 
your father's wishes must take precedence with me. I 
hope you will think better of my action. [Exit r. 1 e. 

Lina (stands looking after her). Mother, mother! 
don't go! — I've driven her ofF! Just like me. But 
she has spoiled all my pleasure. He won't come here 
again. (Enter Tom a, runs down and puts his arm 
about her waist.) 

Tom. Here you are again, darling. 

Lina (slipping away from him to r.). You here 
again, booby ? 

Tom. Hallo! What's the matter? We are alone. 

Lina. How can two be alone? 

Tom (running to her and clasping her in his arms). 
Only when they are one — one in heart — in soul. 

Lina (jmshing him away). Twaddle, Mr. Howland 
— borrowed from the pages of the last new novel. 

Tom (c. staring at her). Twaddle ! Borrowed ! 
Mister Howland ! Somebody must be listening (creeps 
on tiptoe up to door a). Nobody there! (In same 
manner to door l.) Nobody there ! Ah ! (runs and 
lifts the cloth on table; looks under). Nobody there! 
What can be the matter — Miss — Miss Howland ? 

Lina. Well, Mr. Howland ? 

Tom (angrily). Will you just tell me the mean- 
ing of this confounded — (Lina looks at him sternly) 
ah — I mean, darling — explain — explain — 



THE FLOWER OF THE FAMILY. 49 

Lina. Attend to your geraniums — your mammoth 
cabbages — your prize poppies — and let me alone. 

Tom (loolting round). Confound it, somebody's 
ear must be at a keyhole ! {Aloud) I shall do nothing 
of the sort. My attention at this moment is bent on 
attending a fairer flower — the flower — {holding out 
his hand). Come, pet — 

Lina {slapping his hand). Go, pest ! 

Tom. We are un watched; it's all right. You are 
alone with me who loves you. ( Gets angry.) Confound 
it, Lina, this has gone far enough. I demand an ex- 
planation : why are you so cold — so distant? {She 
turns upon him suddenly ; he runs behind tabled) I 
see it all. You are not a pet, but in a pet, because 
Spicer Spofibrd has gone. You grieve at his absence : 
I don't. I rejoice that he has at last been made to 
see his place — outside the door. 

Lina. You rejoice! — you! — at this insult to a 
gentleman in every way your superior? 

Tom. Lina ! 

Lina. Silence, sir. I will not listen to you. I 
doubt not you are the cause of his dismissal — you, 
with your absurd jealousy ! 

Tom. Well, I like that. I jealous ? That's good ! 
I'm a martyr. Give me another shot! 

Lina. I give you what he has received — a dis- 
missal. 

Tom. You don't mean that, Lina ? 

Lina. I do. From this moment, all is at an end 
between us. Henceforth we are strangers. 

Tom. Yes, I understand — before company. {Aside) 
4 



50 THE FLOWER OF THE FAMILY. 

She can't mean it. (Enter Altce, l.) O, no, I see. 
(Aloud) Very well ; henceforth we are strangers. 
That suits me. I shan't be the first tto ask an intro- 
duction. 

Alice. Quarrelling again. You children should be 
locked up in separate apartments. 

Lina. O, no. Tom and I have come to an under- 
standing at last ; we shall never quarrel again — shall 
we, darling f 

Tom (aside). Confound it, I don't understand this 
skirmishing. Never mind ; I'll keep up the excitement. 
(Aloud) No, baggage, we shall never, never, never 
be friends. You, the flower of the family? Bah! 
you're a quarrelsome, disagreeable, disappointed old 
maid, and t I'll never speak to you again — never ! 

[Exit c. 

Lina, Ally, do you know Mr. Spofford has been 

forbidden the house? 

» 

Alice. Yes, dear. 

Lina. Yes, dear? And can you calmly brook 
tyranny ? Such interference with our rights and 
liberties — 

Alice. Liberty to flirt and mitten ! Is that what 
you mean, Lina ? For my part, I am glad he has been 
retired. He is very amusing for a while ; but one 
soon tires of a man like him, whose wit is all out 
of his own head. You understand? Yah, yah, yah! 
(laughs). 

Lina. I think he's splendid ; and I, for one, shall 
not drop his acquaintance in this summary manner. 

Alice, Not when your father wishes it ? 



THE FLOWER OF THE FAMILY. 51 

Lina. My father's wishes can be easily made to 
give place to mine. 

Alice. And you desire to continue this acquaint- 
ance ? 

Lina. I certainly do, and shall (goes to basket, seats 
herself, and takes work. Alice goes l.). 

Alice (aside). She must have a deeper interest in 
this man than I imagined. Shall I disclose his true 
character? Would she believe me? (Lin a discovers 
note.) Ah! the note — I had forgotten that. She 
reads it. 

Lina. Poor fellow ! ( To Alice) You see he has 
not forgotten me. Even now he is w T aiting for me at 
the foot of the garden (rises ; drops note into basket). 

Alice. You will not meet him, Lina? 

Lina. Not when the poor fellow is dying to* see 
me ? 

Alice. Lina, you must not. He is an adventurer — 
a worthless fortune-hunter. 

Lina. Whom you, if I mistake not, were pleased 
to be noticed by. Ah ! Ally, beware of jealousy. 

Alice. Linn, I detest that man. 

Lina. And Hike him. I shall go. And if I should 
not return before father arrives, tell him I have gone 
to comfort a slighted guest. [Exit door l. 

Alice. Am I awake? Will she elope with that 
man ? (Runs to basket and takes note.) 'Tis plainly 
proposed, and she — (tosses ?iote on table). No, no, 
this must not be. She is wild, giddy, and in her wil- 
fulness may throw herself away. Triumph he cannot. 
He is deceived, believing us to be sisters. Drive to 



52 THE FLOWER OF THE FAMILY. 

Mayburn. Ah ! happy thought ! I can save her, and 
serve myself (runs to door l. and turns key). She 
lias left her shawl and hat here {runs to chair and 
takes them). I do like a frolic; and I will mystify 
Mr. Spicer Spofford (puts on shawl), balk his matrimo- 
nial designs (unicinding veil from hat and putting it 
on), and gain an entrance to the old house at May- 
burn. It's a wild frolic ; but, with so much at stake, 
the end must justify the means (throws veil over her 
hat, and exits c. Mrs. H. enters r. 1 e.). 

3frs. II. Where are you going, Lina? Poor child, 
she is still angry (goes to door, a). Lina ! (Enter 
Policy c). 

Policy. It's no use calling, Mrs. Rowland. I tried 
to stop her, hearing you call ; but she sped across Mr. 
Tom's flower-beds in the most reckless manner. Won't 
I do as well ? I'm awful lonesome. 

Jlrs. II. (coming down a). Ah ! a little homesick. 

Policy. O, no ; perfectly comfortable here, Mrs. 
Howland. How could I be homesick when I am near 
the object of my hopes? 

Mrs. II. Ah ! somebody wants a policy. 

Policy. I hope so ; I think so ; I flatter myself 
somebody does. Ah ! (sighs, and clasps his hands, 
looking tenderly at Mrs. II.). 

3Irs. H. I'm glad of it for your sake, though I 
detest anything that bears the name of policy. 

Policy (crestfallen). Oh ! (Aside) There 's a 
damper. (Enter Tom, c.) 

Tom. Hallo ! Where are the girls ? Uncle has 
arrived, and is in a towering passion. Something 's 



THE FLOWER OF THE FAMILY. 53 

gone wrong. Look after his tea. O ! here he is (comes 
l. Enter Abner; stops in doorway). 

Abner. O, Mary, Mary, Mary ! 

Policy {coming it.). O, Mary's her name. I'll call 
her pet names. Mary — Molly — Polly ! 

Mrs. II. (r. c.) Why, Abner, what's the matter? 

Abner. After your promise to me — your solemn 
promise to me, that man Spofford is still allowed the 
liberty of my house! 

Mrs. II. I obeyed your wishes; spoke with Mr. 
Spofford; and he lias left the house, never to return. 

Abner. Left it ! Yes ; in company with my daugh- 
ter ! 

Policy (aside). His daughter? Ho, ho! Spicer 
has made a slight mistake ! 

Tom. Li n a gone ! 

Mrs. II. You must be mistaken, Abner. 

Abner. Do you suppose I do not know my own 
daughter? I met them on the road, with that man 
driving like mad. O, this is unendurable! {comes to 
table and picks up note). 

Mrs. H. I do not understand it. 

Abner. This explains all. The villain has eloped 
with Lina! 

Tom. Gone — eloped — my Lina ? 

Abner. Your Lina? 

Tom {aside). O Lord! Fve let the cat out of 
the bag. (aloud) No, no. Our Lina. She is ours, you 
know; the tlower of the family. Let's drive after them 
with the blacks; we can overtake them. Come, 
come ! there is no time to be lost. 



54 THE FLOWER OF THE FAMILY. 

Abner. Not a step. She has made her own choice. 
Henceforth she is no daughter of mine. 

Lina (outsider., knocking at door). Uncle, mother, 
let me out ! 

Tom. Ah, that dear, dear voice (runs, unlocks 
door, and throws it open). She's here! My — our 
Lina! (Enter Lina. Tom is about to embrace her ; 
she pushes him one side.) 

Lina. Uncle, welcome home (kisses him). 

Abner (with his arm about her). My child, my 
child ! I thought I had lost you ! 

Lina. Because I was not here to greet you ? 

Abner. No. Because I thought I saw yon riding 
towards Mnyburn with Spicer Spofford. I'll swear 
'twas your hat and shawl. 

Lina. My hat and shawl ? I left them here (goes 
to ivindow), and they are gone. It must have been 
Alice. 

Abner and Jlrs. IT. Alice ! 

Lina. It's one of her wild frolics. She must have 
turned the key upon me, and gone. 

Abner. With this shame-meed adventurer. I see 
it all. This note was hers. 

Lina (coming down L.). That note — 

Mrs. H. 'Tis false, Abner Howland. My child 
could not stoop to a disgraceful act. 

Abner. Yet she has gone — stolen from my house in 
disguise. It could be no other. This note ; the lock- 
ing of that door. She has disgraced us all. 

Policy (aside). Spicer's head is level afteY all. 
He'll win. 



THE FLOWER OF THE FAMILY. 55 

Mrs. H. False, all false. She will return to prove 
her innocence. 

Abner. Not to ray house. My child must not be 
contaminated by her influence. 

Lina (aside). What shall I do ? I dare not tell 
the truth. 

Tom {extreme l.). Darling, I knew you could 
not be false. 

Lina. Hush ! 

Tom. Certainly, before company. 

Abner. She has forsaken ray roof; henceforth to us 
she is lost. 

Mrs. LL. No; she is my child. Though all the 
world turn against her, my heart tells me she is inno- 
cent. My arms shall be open to receive her. My child, 
my child, my child (sobs, and falls into Abnee's 
arms). 

Tableau. — Abnee supporting Mes. H. t c. Tom 
and Lina looking on. Policy, e. with a red handker- 
chief to his eyes. Curtain. 



56 THE FLOWER OF THE FAMILY. 



Act III. — Scene : Same as Act II. Mrs. How- 
land seated u. of table, handkerchief to her eyes. 

Mrs. II. A long, weary night of watching; the 
morning speeding fast, and still no signs of Alice. Her 
sudden disappearance, that suspicions note, may be 
to Abner's fretful nature sufficient proofs of guilt; but 
to me, her mother, they are nothing. She would never 
forsake me for a lover without my full consent. No, 
no ; I know my girl too well for that ; and though her 
absence may alarm me, I trust her fully. She can do 
no wrong. 

{Enter Newcomb, c. Stops in doorway.) 

Newcomb. There she is ; seventy-five thousand vir- 
tues, neatly packed in bombazine and crape. A fortune 
just for the asking. Now's the time ; the promise of 
her hand must be mine ere the return of the victorious 
Spicer. I wish she was a trifle younger ; but, hang it ! 
w r here money is the mark, it won't do to stick at trifles 
{comes down r.). Ahem! Mrs. Howland. 
' Jlrs. II. Well, Mr. Newcomb. 

Newcomb. Mrs. Howland — can — will — that is, 
do you — (Aside) Hang it, where's my tongue ? This 
business is not so easy as I imagined; not a bit like 
insurance. (Aloud) Are you insured ? No, no, — en- 
gaged ? Are you engnged ? 

3Irs. H. Not at present, Mr. Newcomb. I will 
listen to you with pleasure. You were saying — 



THE FLOWER OF THE FAMILY. 57 

Newcomb. Yes, thank you. I was saying — thank 
you (takes out handkerchief and wipes his face) , it's 
very warm — 

Mrs. H. Yes, and you have been walking, and 
become heated. You should keep cool, Mr. New- 
comb. 

Neiocomb. O, I do — I am. Just now, I'm abso- 
lutely shivering. Took a long walk this morning over 
to Mayburn. Saw your house. What a cosy little nest ! 

31rs. H. Do you think so? 

Newcomb. O, splendid ; fit abode for gods and 
goddesses, satans, and those other paragorical things, 
you know ; quite poetic. Of course, it's insured — I 
mean comfortable. 

Mrs. H. Very comfortable, Mr. Newcomb, but not 
insured. (Aside) He wants to make a penny by 
insuring it, I sec that. 

Newcomb. O, yes, yes ; pity it is tenantless. 

Mrs. H. It will be so no longer; indignant at Mr. 
Hovvland's suspicions, I propose thfs very clay to quit 
this roof, and take possession of my own house. 

Newcomb. Right. Mistress in your own house, 
you mny laugh to scorn the suspicions of the world. 
But then you need a protector, Mrs. Howland, against 
the storms of — 

Mrs. II. A protector? Nonsense! with a light- 
ning-rod at every corner. 

Newcomb. Lightning-rods! thunder! I — I — beg 
pardon. 

Mrs. II. (aside). It's the old story. He wants to 
insure- it. - 



58 THE FLOWER OF THE FAMILY. 

Newcomb. Ah, Mrs. Rowland, there are storms 
which surpass the fury of the elements. You in that 
lonely dwelling will require a protector that shall be 
like the sheet-anchor of hope in the convulsions of life, 
a protector that shall defy the threats of fate, the 
torch of incendiary — 

Mrs. H. Ah, Mr. Newcomb, you have fire in your 
eye. 

Newcomb. Both of them, Mrs. Howland ; I can't 
help it. I blaze with excitement at the thought of you, 
a lonely woman in that loveiy dwelling — no, a lovely 
dwelling in that lonely — pshaw ! — 

Mrs. II. I understand you perfectly, Mr. New- 
comb. You want to protect me ? 

Newcomb. I do, I do, I do ! 

Mrs. H. Do you really think there is need of it ? 

Newcomb. Let your own heart answer that question, 
Mrs. Howland. 

Mrs. II. And the terms, Mr. Newcomb ? 

Newcomb. On <your own terms, Mrs. Howland. I 
am ready, willing, and eager to write you — ah, pro- 
tect you. 

Mrs. H. That's a very liberal offer. I never re- 
ceived such a one before. 

Newcomb. Ah, Mrs. Howland, you flatter me. 

Mrs. II. But my judgment has always been 
opposed to such proceedings. I dare not tempt Prov- 
idence. 

Newcomb, {Aside) Opposed — proceedings — and 
she's buried one husband! (Aloud) Ah, Mrs. How- 
land, fear not; lightning never strikes twice in the 
same place. 'Tis a safe investment. 



THE FLOWER OF THE FAMILY. 59 

3frs, H. And you would advise me to take a 
policy ? 

Newcomb (on his knees). I do; dear woman, I do. 
Take a policy — this Policy — and bid defiance to the 
storms of adversity, the billows of fate, the — the — 
O, I will be your sheet-anchor, your — your — 

Mrs. If. (rising). Mr. Newcomb, are you beside 
yourself? 

Newcomb. No, I am beside you, waiting for your 
lovely hand to lift me to happiness; your lovely voice 
to insure, — ahem, — assure me you will take this fond 
and loving Policy — 

Mrs. H. No more, sir. I thought that in your 
enterprising zeal you wished to insure my dwelling. 
I have been mistaken. Never address me in this man- 
ner again ; if you do, you may find I have a protector 
in Abner Howland, who would not hesitate to horse- 
whip you for insulting his brother's widow. [Exit l. 

Policy {still on his knees). Yes ; thank you. 
" She has gone from my gaze like a beautiful dream." 

Thus vanish my hopes of fortune, and Spicer is vic- 
torious (rises). 

(Enter Spoffoed cautiously, c. very dejected.) 

Spofford. • Sh — sh — Are you alone, Newcomb ? 

Newcomb. Ah, he's here. Welcome, victorious 
Spicer. 

Spofford. Don't, Newcomb, don't; it's deuced un- 
plcMsnnt, you know, in my present crushed and forlorn 
condition. 

Newcomb. What's the matter ? Where's the bride ? 



60 THE FLOWER OF THE FAMILY. 

Spofford. Don't, Newcomb, don't! I weally can't 
stand it! I'm a martyr, you know. 

JVewcomb. You're a noodle ! Speak out, man. You 
eloped, didn't you ? 

Spofford. Yah, yah, yah ! Splendid beginning, 
you know. I came in a buggy ; she came in a shawl 
and hat, with a deuced veil over her lovely face. 
Awful shy she was; wouldn't speak a word, you know. 
So romantic. But she jumped into the buggy, and we 
drove to Mayburn. 

JVewcomb. Ah, like Caesar, " you came, you saw " — 

Spofford. You keep still, Newcomb. I didn't seize 
her; she w T ent willingly. But I'd forgotten one im- 
portant item— to find out where the parson lived! 
"Wouldn't do to ask her, you know — so I drove to the 
hotel, jumped out to inquire, leaving her in the buggy. 
When I came out, Miss Lina was gone ! 

JVewcomb. Yes; and in her place you found Miss 
Alice, the heiress. You're a lucky dog, Spicer. 

Spofford. Miss — Miss — I don't understand, New- 
comb. 

JVeiccomb. Miss Alice is the daughter of Mrs. How- 
land, the other only the adopted child of Abner 
Howland. They were both in love with you, and by 
stratagem Alice gained the place you designed for the 
other. So, you see, fate, and not your infernal head, 
has placed the winning card in your hand. 

Spofford. Yah, yah, yah ! I see. But where is 
she ? 

JVewcomb. Where you left her, of course. 

Spofford. In the buggy? No, Newcomb ; you're 



THE FLOWER OF THE FAMILY. 61 

wrong. When I returned, the vehicle was empty. 
I've not seen her since. 

N'ewcomb. You surprise me. She left with you. She 
has not returned. 

Spofford. Not returned ! Good gracious, New- 
comb, don't tell me that. I shall be arrested for kid- 
napping, you know. What's to be done ? 

Newcomb. Nonsense ; put a bold face on the mat- 
ter. She left with you — eloped, and thus has com- 
promised her fair fame. You're in luck again. Boldly 
ask Uncle Howland's consent to your marriage. He'll 
be glad enough to give it; and she'll be glad to marry 
you. You say she loves you? 

Sp>offord. Of course ; she couldn't help it, you 
know. 

Newcomb. Then be resolute, and she is yours. 
Here comes Mr. Rowland. Attack him boldly. 

Spofford. Attack him? What for? I wouldn't 
harm a hair of his head. 

Neiccomb. Pshaw ! Boldly ask her hand. 

Spofford. He'il break my head. 

N'ewcomb. No matter ; it hasn't been of much use 
to you. No doubt you'll get along better without it. 
{Enter Abner, c.) 

Abner. How — you here, villain ? (seises Spofford 
by the throat n. and shakes him). How dare you 
enter my house again ? A pretty scandal you've raised 
(sha7t-es), rascal ! 

Spofford. Don't, Mr. Howland — please don't ; it 
hurts, you know. 

JSfeiccomb. Spare the repentant prodigal, Mr. How- 
land, he comes to make reparation. 



62 TELE FLOWER OF THE FAMILY. 

Abner. Reparation ! What reparation can you 
make for this dastardly outrage? 

Spofford. I have come to ask your consent to our 
marriage. 

Abner {releasing him). That's something like. It's 
a pity you hadn't taken the straight road in the first 
place. 

Newcomb. He feared you would frown upon his 
pretensions; so, like a skilful general, has taken posses- 
sion of the town before he makes terms. All, Mr. 
Howland, love, young love will dare much — {aside) 
for mojjey. 

Abner. So you wish to marry Alice. {Aside) It's 
the only course left after this elopement, and it will 
remove him from Lina's path. {Aloud) You will 
marry her at once ? 

Spofford. Yah, yah, yah ! I love her to distrac- 
tion. Give your consent, and I can gain hers. 
{Enter Mrs. Howl and, l.) 

Abner. Very well. I've no doubt you're a very 
nice young man ; and you have my free consent to 
marry Alice Howland, — the sooner the better. 

Mrs. II. And I forbid the banns. 

Abner. Mary, you are crazy. {Aside) She eloped 
with him. She must and shall marry him, to save her 
reputation awd our honor. 

Mrs. II. You have no right to plan and plot in her 
absence. ( To Spofford.) Sir, where is my daugh- 
ter? 

Abner. Hiding until her lover there wins our con- 
sent to their marriage. 



THE FLOWER OF THE FAMILY. 63 

{Enter Alice, c.) 

Alice. 'Tis false ! She is here to answer for herself. 

Spofford (n. c. to ISTewcomb, e.). O, it's .-ill up. 

Newcomb. It's nil right ; stick to your text. Don't 
give up the girl. Seventy-five thousand reasons 
against it. 

Mrs. H. (running up to Alice in door). O, Alice, 
child, where have you been ? 

Alice (clasping her in her arms). On an errand, 
mother, full of promise. Good morning, nunky ; are 
you very, very angry ? (Enter Lina, e.) Lina, dar- 
ling, here I am, safe and sound. 

Lina. Where have you been? (going towards 
Alice.) 

Abner (stepping before her). Stop! There must be 
no communication between you and that misguided 
girl until this serious business is settled. 

(Alice goes down to l., followed by her mother. 
Newcomb, e., Spofford with him. Lixa, e. c. Abnee, 
c. Alice, l. c. Mes. H., l. Alice Howland.) 

Alice. Now, nunky, don't be angry ; it's only one 
of my frolics, you know. 

Abner. Look at this gentleman — Mr. Spicer Spof- 
ford. 

Alice. How do do, Spicer? (Laughs) Ha, ha, ha! 

Abner. Silence ! This gentleman has asked your 
hand in marriage of me, your guardian, since you are 
a member of my household. What is your answer? 

Alice. What .was yours, nunky? He didn't ask me. 

Abner. I gave my full consent. 

Alice. Then he must be perfectly satisfied. 



64 THE FLOWER OF THE FAMILY. 

Abner. And you will marry him ? 

Alice. Let me look at him (crosses ; goes round 
Spofford, eying him from head to foot, Spofford 
turning and facing her as she goes. She then returns 
to til a). I'd rather not, if you please, nunky. 

Spofford. And that is your answer? 

Alice (imitating). Yah, yah, yah ! Made it out of 
my own head, Spice'r. 

Spofford (to Newcomb). She's laughing at me. 

JVeiccomb. They laugh who win. You wait. 

Abner. Alice, it grieves me that you refuse to take 
the only course that can justify your absence from my 
roof the past night. It is my duty to guard ray daugh- 
ter from intercourse with one so reckless of reputa- 
tion. 

Alice. One moment, uncle. Lives have been ru- 
ined, hearts broken, by the poisonous breath of sus- 
picion. Pause, ere you make the child of your dead 
brother a mark for the unmerciful to assail with slan- 
derous tongue. I can justify my absence. 

Abner. Only by consenting to become that man's 
wife. 

Alice. Never ! Never ! 

Abner. Then you must quit my house. 

Lina. O, father ! 

Abner. Peace, my child ; your fair fame must be 
protected. She must quit this house at once. 

Mrs. II Let us go, my child. The old house is 
still left us. 

Abner. No, no; not you, Mary. I cannot spare 
you. 



THE FLOWER OF THE FAMILY. 65 

Mrs. H. Nor I my Alice. Better so ; mother and 
child will not be parted. 

Abner. Alice, would you rob your mother of her 
good home? 

Alice. Uncle, would you rob me of my good name? 

Abner. Tis your own fault. Marry Spofford. 

Alice. Never ! Never ! 

Abner. Then go, ungrateful child, go ! 

Alice. No ; I will not leave this place until I have 
justified my actions. Uncle, you must — you shall 
hear me. 

Abner. Will you marry that man ? 

Alice. Yes. 

Abner. How ? 

Mrs. II. Alice! 

JVeicco?nb. It's? all right, Spofford : I told you so. 

Alice. On one condition. 

Newcomb. O, hang it L 

Alice. You shall hear my story. If you then desire 
it, I will marry him. 

Abner. H'm ! Well, go on. 

Alice. I do confess I left this house in Mr. Spof- 
ford's company. 

Abner. The truth at last. 

Alice. Every word, nunky. By him I was driven 
to May burn. 

Spofford. Yah, yah, yah ! I'll swear to that. 

Alice. He left me in the carriage while he entered 
the hotel. Left alone, I leaped from the buggy, and 
vanished from his sight. 

Abner. Indeed ! Who will swear to that ? 
5 



6Q THE FLOWER OF THE FAMILY. 

{Enter Oscar, c.) 

Oscar. I will, guardy. 

Abner. What? Oscar Loringl 

Alice. Oscar ! {He goes l.) 

Una. Oscar ! 

Neiccomb. Now, who the deuce is Oscar? 

Abner {grasping his hands). Welcome, welcome 
home, my boy! Lina, here he is. Alice — Ah, I 
forgot. 

Oscar {crosses to Lina). Have I been properly 
introduced ? {shakes hands.) t 

JAna. Welcome, welcome home ! 

Oscar. Thank you. ( Crosses to Alice.) And what 
says Miss Nobody ? {shakes hands.) 

Alice. I knew you was a prince in disguise. 

Abner. Oscar, Oscar, one moment. That young 
lady at present is in disgrace. 

Alice. No, nunky — on trial. 

Oscar. Then I am here to be her advocate. I've 
heard queer stories of an elopement, and think I can 
help on the denouement, 

Alice. You ? 

Oscar. Yes, I. 

Abner. That young lady eloped last night with 
that gentleman, Mr. Spicer Spofford. 

Oscar. Did she ? Then it must have been the 
runaway couple I saw drive up to the hotel at May- 
burn, where the young lady left her gallant and took 
refuge in the little house opposite. 

Mrs. II Our old home at Mayburn ! 

Alice. Where I passed the night alone. 



THE FLOWER OF THE FAMILY. 67 

Oscar. Not quite alone, for I was her companion. 

All. You ! 

Oscar. Her unseen companion. You must know 
I am rather inquisitive ; and on seeing this young lady 
— whom I recognized — desert her companion and en- 
ter the tenantless house, I was very curious to know 
what it all meant. So, leaving our spectacled friend 
searching for her, I lighted my cigar, strolled over 
under the trees, and watched. Soon I saw a light in 
one of the lower rooms; then it passed to another; 
then up stairs ; in short, I saw that slender -flame 
appear and disappear, first in one place, then another, 
for two mortal hours; finally, it disappeared. Still I 
watched. I must have smoked a dozen cigars, and I've 
had no breakfast. An hour ago the door opened, the 
young lady appeared, started in the direction of your 
house, guardy, and I have followed her. 
(Eater Tom, c.) 

Tom. I'll swear to that. How are you, old fel- 
low ? 

Oscar. Ah, glad to see you again, my boy. 

Abner. Oscar Loring! Tom! 

Tom. I know. I've been in the secret. 

Lina. You have? and didn't tell me? 

Tom. No ; spoiled your little flirtation, Lina. 

iAna. O, you nuisance ! 

Tom. Ah ! you bao^aa-e ! 

» OS o 

Mrs. H. Children! 

Abner. But here's mystery piled on mystery. Is 
anybody sane enough to tell me what it's all about? 
Alice, c. Let me speak, uncle, for I alone can 



68 THE FLOWER OF THE FAMILY. 

clear it. You see I have a witness to my disappear- 
ance and reappearance. 

Abner. Yes, that's all right. But why were you in 
the house ? 

Alice. For your sake, nunky. Yesterday morning 
I overheard two individuals in this house — who shall 
be nameless — concocting a villanous plot — 

Spofford. The game's up, Newcomb. 

JVeiccomb. It does look hazy. 

Alice. — By which I learned that you, nunky, are 
embarrassed, and that a keeper had been placed in 
your house. I further learned that my father had left, 
somewhere, the power to save you. I took advantage 
of a note which was not meant for me. 

Abner. Not meant for you ? (looks at her, then 
at Lin a, who turns away her head. Abner whistles). 
Go on. 

Alice. I renched the old house by stratngem, and 
commenced my search. For hours I ransacked every 
accessible hiding-place, and had about given up the 
search, when, in closing a drawer, this ring, my father's 
gift, was caught, and attracted my attention ; the 
motto, " Search the Scriptures," seemed at that mo- 
ment an inspiration, for I flew to father's room. There 
on the bureau reposed his inseparable companion — a 
pocket-bible, — this — (produces book). I opened it ; 
and there, neatly folded, was this (opens book and 
unfolds policy) . 

JVeiccomb. The policy for twenty-five thousand dol- 
lars ? 

/Spojford. On the Bowcliife office ? 



THE FLOWER OF THE FAMILY. 69 

Alice. Right. A paper which, presented at that 
office, will place in your hands, nunky, a sum sufficient 
to free you from embarrassment. 

Abner. And you would give this to me ? 

Alice. With mother's consent. 

Mrs. II. Do with it as you please; I detest policies. 

Abner. I'm an old fool. You'd have done this for 
me, and I would have turned you out of doors. O, 
child, child ! you have made me ashamed of myself! 
{clasps her in his arms). 

Alice. Shall I many Mr. Spofford ? 'Tis to him 
we are indebted for all this good fortune. He came 
all the way from the Bowcliffe office to let us know 
of it — 

Spofford. Yah, yah, yah ! I'll swear to that. 

Alice. — After he should have succeeded in marry- 
ing a daughter of Mrs. Howland ! 

Abner. The villain ! I see it all. No, no, Alice, I 
was wrong. The old selfish feeling got possession of 
me; but now, he must not only be a bold man but a 
noble one who could gain my consent. 

Oscar. What say you to me, guardy ? 

Abner. You? Why, you are promised to another; 
she'd break her heart — The Flower of the Family! 

Oscar. Ah, guardy, who is The Flower of the 
Family? 

Abner. Why, my — {looks at Lin a ; hesitates, looks 
at Alice). She of course who at another's need would 
dare all to become an angel cf mercy {takes Alice in 
his arms). She's here. 

Alice. And you will use the policy to free you from 



70 THE FLOWER OF THE FAMILY. 

that debt which makes it necessary to keep that man 
Newcomb in the house. 

Abner. No, child, for Oscar has returned ; be will 
aid me until the arrival of the White Squall. 

Oscar. The White Squall has arrived. She was 
signalled when I left Mayburn. 

Abner. Then I have no need of help. 

Spofford (to Newcomb). Hadn't we better be 
going? I've made an ass of myself. 

Neiccomb. So you have ; all out of your own head. 
(Coming forward.) Mrs. Howland, I rejoice at your 
good fortune. Here you have another proof of the 
inestimable benefits of insurance. The man is taken 
off; but when he leaves behind such solid comfort as 
that policy will give, the widow's heart must leap for 

Abner. Your further services can be dispensed with, 
Mr. Newcomb. I will settle with your employer this 
very day. As for you, Mr. Spofford — 

Spofford (alarmed). Spare me. Til see the policy 
paid at once. It was only a joke, you know. Made it 
out of my own head. Come, Newcomb, let's be going. 

Abner. Go, fools ; and learn by this experience that 
Honesty is the best Policy. 

Newcomb. Honesty ! What's that ? The best pol- 
icies are put out by the Burst-up and Blow-up, the 
Never-say-Die, and the — 

Abner (takes him by the ear and leads him up to 
door). I am sorry to be obliged to put out a very bad 
Policy. 

Newcomb (at door). Thank you. I'll call again 



THE FLOWER OF THE FAMILY. 71 

when you're at leisure. I want to ask a very im- 
portant question. 

Abner. What is that ? * 

JVewcomb. Are you insured ? . \_l£xit$ c. 

Abner. Now, Mr. Spofford, shall I attend you? 

Spofford. Don't trouble yourself (backs up to door, 
holding on to his ears). I can find the way out. Yah, 
yah, yah ! {turns and runs off c .). 

Abner. Good riddance ! ( Comes down.) Now, my 
dear boy, let me present you in due form to the fair 
being I have pictured to you, whom I have reared to 
become your wife. Lina, my child ! 

Lina, r. c. Not me, uncle! I do not deserve 
him. I have deceived you. 

Abner. You deceived me I 

IAna. Yes; my heart has long been given to an- 
other. 

Abner. And that other? • 

Tom, r. {taking Lina's hand.) Your unworthy 
nephew. 

Lina. Yes, uncle ; I love Tom, and Tom loves me. 

Tom.. Heart and soul. 

Abner. What ! you two ? Why, you fight like 
cats and dogs! 

Lina. Only before company. 

Tom. Preparatory lessons in connubial bliss. 

Lina. Tom, you wretch ! 

Tom. Lina, you darling! 

Abner. I see it all. I've been humbugged. But 
what's to become of you, Oscar? 



72 THE FLOWER OF THE FAMILY. 

Oscar. I leave my fate in these dear bands which 
once saved me from a watery grave. 

Alice. A very shallow one — two feet of water. 
Ha, ha, ha! 

Abner. More mystery. When shall we get at the 
bottom of it ? 

Mrs. IL, c. When I understand how Gordon Howland 
could have insured his life without my knowing it. 

1'om. When Lina is my darling wife. 

Lina. And we shall begin to quarrel in earnest. 

Oscar. When I become the sole owner of this 
charming life-preserver. 

Alice. And my dream shall come true after all. 

Abner. All for self. Well, have your way. The 
old man plotted and failed. The young romp, whom 
nobody dreamed had the power, has outwitted a pair 
of scoundrels. 

Alice. For which •he takes no credit. The ring 
with its precious motto has been the talisman to suc- 
cess. 

Abner. And the genius of the ring proved herself, 
after all, The Flower of the Family. 

Abner, c. Mrs. Rowland, 
r. Lina, Tom. Oscar, Alice, l. 

( Curtain.) 



36. 
37. 
38. 
39. 

40. 

41. 

42. 



h 

o 
i) 4:5. 

1 



44. 

45. 
46. 

47. 
48. 

49. 

50. 

51. 

\ 52. 



1 



t 



I 



J 



SPENCEH'S UNIVERSAL STAGE, 



Diamond cut Diamond. An In- 
terlude in One Act. By W. H. Mur- 
ray. 10 Male, 1 Female character. 

Look after Brown. A Farce in 
One Act. By George A. Stuart, 
M. D. 6 Male, 1 Female character. 

Monseigneur. A Drama in Three 
Acts. By Thomas Archer. 15 Male, 
3 Female characters. 

A very pleasant Evening. A 
Farce in One Act. By W. E. Suter. 

3 Male characters. 

Brother Ben. A Farce in One 
Act. By J. M. Morton. 3 Male, 3 
Female characters. 

Only a Clod. A Comic Drama in 
One Act. By J. P. Simpson. 4 Male, 

1 Female character. 
Gaspardo the Gondolier. A 

Drama in Three Acts. By George 
Almar. 10 Male, 2 Female charac- 
ters. 

Sunshine through the Clouds. 

A Drama in One Act. By Slingsby 
Lawrence. 3 Male, 3 Female char- 
acters. 

Won't Judge hy Appearances. 

A Farce in One Act. By J. M. Mor- 
ton. 3 Male, 2 Female characters. 

Wursey Chickweed. A Farce in 
One Act. By T. J. Williams. 4 
Male, 2 Female characters. 

Mary Moo ; or, Which shall I 
Marry? A Farce in One Act. By 
W. E. Suter. 2 Male, 1 Female 
character. 

East Lynne. A Drama in Five 
Acts. 8 Male, 7 Female characters. 

The Hidden Hand. A Drama in 
Five Acts. By Robert Jones. 10 
Male, 7 Female characters. 

Silverstone's Wager. A ( ommedi- 
etta in One Act. By R. R. Andrews. 

4 Male, 3 Female characters. 
Dora. A Pastoral Drama in Three 

Acts. By Charles Reade. 5 Male, 

2 Female characters. 

Blanks and Prizes. A Farce in 
One Act. By Dexter Smith. 5 
Male, 2 Female characters. 

Old Gooseberry. A Farce in One 
Act. By T. J. Williams. 4 Male, 
2 Female characters. 



53. Who's Who. A Farce in One Act. 

By T. J. Williams. 3 Male, 2 Fe- 
male characters. 

54. Bouquet. A Farce in One Act. 2 

Male, 3 Female characters. 

55. The Wife's Secret. A Play in 

Five Acts. By George W. Lovell. 
10 Male, 2 Female characters. 

50. The Babes in the Wood. A 

Comedy in Three Acts. By Tom 
Taylor. 10 Male, 3 Female charac- 
ters. 

57. Putkins : Heir to Castles in the 

Air. A Comic Drama in One Act. 
By W. R. Emerson. 2 Male, 2 Fe- 
male characters. 

58. An TJgly Customer. A Farce in 

One Act. By Thomas J. Will'ams.. 
3 Male, 2 Female characters. 

59. Blue and Cherry. A Comedy in 

One Act. 3 Male, 2 Female charac- 
ters. 

60. A Doubtful Victory. A Comedy 

in One Act. 3 Male, 2 Female char- 
acters. 
(". The Scarlet Eetter. A Drama n 
Three Acts. 8 Male, 7 Female char- 
acters. 

62. Which will have Him ? A Vau- 

deville. 1 Male, 2 Female charac- 
ters. 

63. Madam is Abed. A Vaudeville in 

One Act. 2 Male, 2 Female charac- 
ters. 

64. The Anonymous Kiss. A Vaude- 

ville. 2 Male, 2 Female characters. 

65. The Cleft Stick. A Comedy in 

Three Acts. 5 Male, 3 Female char- 
acters. 

66. A Soldier, a Sailor, a Tinker, 

and a Tailor. A Farce in One 
Act. 4 Male, 2 Female characters. 

67. Give a Dog a Bad Name. A 

Farce. 2 Male, 2 Female Characters. 

68. Damon and Pythias. A Farce. 

fi Male, 4 Female characters. 

69. A Husband to Order. A Serio- 

Comic Drama in Two Acts. 5 Male, 
3 Female characters. 

70. Payable on Demand. A Domes- 

tic Drama in Two Acts. 7 Male, 1 
Female character. 



Price, IS cents each. Descriptive Catalogue mailed free on application to 

CEO. M, BAKER & CO., 

Nos. 41-45 Franklin Street, Boston. 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 




015 785 396 G 



I 



< Smkteuf ¥^e&trirfkl£ 



_. CEORCE M. BAKER, 



Author of "Amateur Dramas" " The Mimic Stage" " 7%e Social Stage," " TVie Drawing-Room 
Stage" " Handy Dramas" " 2%e Exhibition Drama" "A Baker's Dozen" <fcc. 

Titles in this Type are BTew Plays. 
Titles in this Type are Temperance Plays. 



15 



DRAMAS. 

Z« Three Acts. Cts. 

The Flower of the Family. 5 

male, 3 female char 15 

Enlisted for the War. 7 male, 3 fe- 
male characters 15 

My Brother's Keeper. 5 male, 3 fe- 
male char 15 

The Little Brown Jug, 5 m fle, 3 
female char 15 

In Two Acts. 
Above the Clouds. 7 male, 3 female 

characters 15 

One Hundred Years Ago. 7 male, 

4 female char. 15 

Among the Breakers. 6 male, 4 female 

char 

Bread on the Waters. 5 male, 3 female 

char 

Down by the Sea. 6 male, 3 female 

char 

Once on a Time. 4 male, 2 female char. 
The Last Loaf. 5 male, 3 female char. 
In One Act. 

Stand ey the Flag. 5 male char . . . 
The Tempter. 3 male, 1 female char. 

COMEDIES AND FARCES. 

A Mysterious Disappearance. 4 

male, 3 female char 

Paddle Tour Own Canoe. 7 male, 

3 female char 

Ai Drop too Much. 4 male, 2 female 
characters 

A Little More Cider. 5 male, 3 fe- 
male char 

A Thorn Among the Roses. 2 male, 6 

female char 15 

Never Say Die. 3 male, 3 female char. 15 
Seeing the Elephant. 6 male, 3 female 

char 15 

The Boston Dip. 4 male, 3 female char. 15 
The Duchess of Dublin. 6 male, 4 fe- 
male char 

Thirty Minutes for Refreshments. 

4 male. 3 female char 

We've all Teetotalers. 4 male, 2 fe- 
male char 

Male Characters Only. 

A Close Shave. 6 char 15 

A Public Benefactor. 6 char 15 

A Sea of Troubles. 8 char 15 

A Tender Attachment. 7 char. ... 15 

Coals of Fire. 6 char 15 

Freedom of the Press. 8 char. ... 15 



COMEDIES, &c, continued. 

Shall Our Mothers Vote? 11 char. 
Gentlemen of the Jury. 12 char. . . 
Humors of the Strike. 8 char. . . 
My Uncle the Captain. 6 char. . . 
New Brooms Sweep Clean. 6 char. . 

The Great Elixir. 9 char 

The Hypochondriac. 5 char 

The Man with the Demijohn. 4 

char 

The Runaways. 4 char 

The Thief of Time. 6 char 

Wanted, a Male Cook. 4 char. . . . 

Female Characters Only. 
A Love of a Bonnet. 5 char. . . . 

A Precious Pickle. 6 char 

No Cure no Pay. 7 char 

The Champion of Her Sex. 8 char. . 
The Greatest Plague in Life. 8 cha. 

The Grecian Bend. 7 char 

The Red Chignon. 6 char 

Using the Weed. 7 char 

ALLEGORIES. 

Arra7iged for Music and Tableaux. 

Lightheart's Pilgrimage. 8 female 
char 

The Revolt of the Bees. 9 female 
char 

The Sculptor's Triumph, i male, 4 fe- 
male char 

The Tournament of Idylcourt. 10 
female char 

The War of the Roses. 8 female char. 

MUSICAL AND DRAMATIC. 

An Original Idea, i male, 1 female 
char, 

Bonbons ; or, the Paint King. 6 male, 
1 female char 

Capuletta ; or, Romeo and Juliet 
Restored. 3 male, 1 female char. . 

Santa Claus' "Frolics 

Snow-bound ; or, Alonzo the Brave 
and the Fair Imogene. 3 male, 1 
female char 

The Merry Christmas of the Old 
Woman who lived in a Shoe. . . 

The Pedler of Very Nice. 7 male 
char • 

The Seven Ages. A Tableau Entertain- 
ment. Numerous male and female char. 

Too Late for the Train. 2 male char. 

The Visions of Freedom, ii female 
char 



CEO. M. BAKER & CO., 41-45 Franklin St., Boston. 



■0? 



Baker's Humorous Dialogues. Male characters only. 26 cents. 
Baker's Humorous Dialogues. Female characters only. 25cenU. 



